The Shederton's

The rare aligning of stars

2011-11-14T20:27:00.001-08:00

There's gotta be some kind of award given for a time in your life when everything falls into place. Some kind of trophy or certificate to prove to yourself and those around you that it CAN, in fact, happen. Or maybe to just remind yourself of such a time on a day when, say, your kid wakes up puking at 3am, the hair dryer breaks mid-dry, and you run out of gas.

I'd frame that award and proudly display it in my entry way.

With a spotlight.

That kind of stuff just doesn't happen on a regular basis. So, when Veteran's Day approached you can imagine my delight when all of these things fell into place.

1. AV brilliantly and successfully honored Uncle Visor with pins for all to wear.

2. All of the Parks kids, gramma, and grand kids were healthy and happy and patiently waiting.

3. Brains tried out for and received the highest honor an 8th grade symphonic band member can achieve---Drum Major! And he got to lead the band during our local Veteran's Day Parade.

4. PS. It didn't rain.

What are the odds?

I'd better head to Vegas pronto.

Not a huge fan

2011-11-02T20:48:00.000-07:00

Of Halloween, that is.

Orange and black?

Least fave color combo. (unless you count peach and teal)

Spiders and bats?

Least favorite creatures. (unless you count cockroaches and everyone knows that's a given)

Candy busting out of every seam?

Least favorite thigh addition. (unless you count those high waisted, pleated Z Cavariccis from 1989)

But then something magical happens.

Halloween night arrives and I get me some of this:

A little of this:

Some of this:

And a whole lotta this:

And I officially declare Halloween my most favorite holiday!! (for right now)

I put a lot of thought and pondering into my opinions.

About as much thought and pondering as I put into those over sized shirts with the throw-pillow-like shoulder pads I wore circa 1990.

And we all know how that turned out.

By The Numbers

2011-10-25T14:28:00.000-07:00

327--Number of times in the past 10 days that I've squealed or moaned while in the process of sitting or standing. (I'm doing an 8 week Boot Camp with some friends and let's just say some of my muscles are re-introducing themselves to me.)

4-5 on average--Number of times I el-oh-el at something Char Char says to me each day. For example, the other day while trying to figure out "popularity" he says to me. "Well mom, I think that kids think I'm popular because of what I do at recess". Me - What is that? Him - "Well I started a club with my friends where we walk around real slow and gangster-like around the playground at recess. I'm the president and I named it the Chuck Norris Club."

0--Number of times I've made my bed in the past week. It's a block I'm having. Sort of like writer's block. But without creative thinking and staring at a computer screen.

1--Number of soccer games we've won while playing on the Adult Co-ed Soccer team (C league even). We've played about 8 games so far. Math is hard but I'm pretty sure that's not a high percentage.

Infinity--Number of times the jeans come out of my front loading washer twisted up into ropes/knots. Any advise you may have would be appreciated. I've tried different methods of placing the pants in, re-shaping them before drying, letting them air dry, and even screaming at them and nothing helps.

3--Number of times I've walked past a tiny dog Halloween costume and considered buying one for our rat....ahem....terrier/chihuahua.

0.48--Numbers of seconds it took me to realize what the heck was I thinking and reason that I'm this close ::holding fingers together:: to losing all of the sanity I may have left.

4:30--Numbers on my clock when the alarm goes off every Mon-Fri for above mentioned Boot Camp. Funny story about that. When Boot Camp is over and we are driving home it's just after 6am and I've caught myself thinking, "They are just now exercising?" What's happening to me?!

7--Number of days until myself, Aunt Visor, and my BabyBaby Sister (I know how much she loves it when I call her that) attend SYTYCD right here in B-town!! I plan on taking video when AV shrieks with delight.

That's So Random

2011-10-06T14:59:00.001-07:00

1. Have any of you watched the show "That's So Random" on Disney Channel? I've found myself doing dishes or cooking dinner and suddenly I realize I've been standing still for 15 minutes not scrubbing a single dish or browning a single piece of meat. I guess I'm still a kid at heart? It's like a clean, younger version of Saturday Night Live and it makes my kids lollerz.

2. Char Char is obsessed with Halloween. Have I mentioned before? He wants to DAILY decorate/craft/do something having to do with this holiday. I'm not a huge fan of the deco for this one. So, it's a stretch for me. But I do enjoy seeing him do a happy dance in the kitchen when I show him the light up skeleton I got at TJ's today. My only lament is that he no longer pronounces it "Hayoween".

3. One more day of wearing these granny compression stockings!! I knew you'd want to know.

4. I've had a strange desire over the last 10 years or so to punch someone in the face. Don't get me wrong, this isn't an anger issue. And it really doesn't matter who it is (although if the local news weather person were standing in front of me that'd make is easier). I just want to know what it feels like. And, to be honest, I want to know if I throw a good punch or not. So, maybe that local news person wouldn't be a good judge of my right hook. Any volunteers let me know.

5. I've been sick for almost a month. Not the lay-in-bed-can't-move sort of sick. The just-enough-to-be-really-annoying-and-make-you-drag kind of sick. Still functioning in real life and stuff. Got a blood test. Turns out I have mono!!! I guess I've been kissing too many boys? Either way, this is the note my child left me yesterday (spelling and punctuation exactly as written):

"mom i'm so sory that your sick so I desideed to rite a fu sentensis about you starteing now
roses are red villets are blue shuger is sweet and so are you
heres another one why are you sick you sholde'nt be sick because you sueer are nice and your the best mom in the whole world not because your butifull because you you and I love you so much your hair is made of medall"

6. It finally changed weather around these parts. 63 high today. Brrrrrr!!!

7. Prepare for the season of scarves on Memzy cuz I'm obsessed.

8. On a scale of 1 to 10 how lame is it to be obsessed with an accessory?

9. On a scale of 1 to 10 how amaze-ball are scarves?

10. I hate cooking. Did you know? I DO it. Trust me I do. But I find no joy in the task. I think my perfect world would be one in which I had a personal chef cook my families meals for us. Also, I'd have a Diet soda fountain in my house......with foam cups and crushed ice. And in that perfect world I could also run 5 miles a day and look like this:

Just Kidding. I'd want to look like this actually.

It's happening

2011-09-26T15:01:00.000-07:00

This is my gift to you. A visual representation of my getting old.

What's that?

Some glow in the dark paint accidentally fell on my leg?

A new fashion trend that Memzy is starting?

A sunblock application gone bad?

Nope. I finally got my gargantuan varicose veins taken care of by way of injection last Friday. I now get to wear these support stocking for two weeks. Round the clock. I only had veins on the one leg, which goes against mine and my dad's very sound theory of body symmetry. But I digress.

I also have a pair in nude that cover both legs and look like granny pantyhose. Very thick and reflective looking. I wore those to church yesterday. Without explanation. I'm hoping there were conversations at the dinner table about it after church.

One can only dream!!

Motion Sickness

2011-09-23T16:31:00.000-07:00

You might wanna take some dramamine and put on your finger brace cuz this getting back into the swing of things on my blog can produce motion sickness and finger cramps.

::ba da bum......CHA::

Team Captain Bossy Pants

Swagger wagons

Skuzzy hotel, er.....::throat clear::......MOtel

J. Lightning and D. Firepants

J. Chop-Chop

Ummmm

B-Rad and A. Speedyface

K. Swiftly (aka Birthday boy) and wife J. Lightning

D. Firepants and P. Thunderdome

E.Z. Break-for-it and A. Hotfoot

Van 1

S. Meteor-Man and E-Dub CaptainPants

D. Cannonball and T. Hightail-it

Oh the places we ran....

Thanks to all my teammates who sent me their pics. It was a group effort in more ways than one. Now have a great weekend. I have a feeling this is going to be the best Friday you've had all week.

This + This = That. It's a mathematical certainty.

2011-09-22T18:05:00.000-07:00

I've put plastic on your chairs in anticipation of this, so feel free to wet yourselves with excitement. Cuz to get back into this interbloggernet the inaugural post I've chosen is.......

......wait for it

............wait a little longer

............this is fun right?

RAGNAR NAPA VALLEY!!!

Please double your meds immediately.

I'm pretty sure math is hard but here's the remedial version.

2 days + 12 people + 186.4 miles - sleep + portapottys - sanity + 11teen gallons of fluids - dignity (in some cases) + stinky clothes - lucidity + cowbell = Team S.L.A.M.B. (finishing at team 288th out of 310 teams and we are proud of it!!)

Team S.L.A.M.B. obviously stands for Stop Looking At My Butt

It's a real problem you gize.

I cannot even begin to explain the kind of fun and unique experience this is for anyone who hasn't done it. All I can do here is show you what it might look like from your perspective.

I like to be FAUXtivated (fake it til you make it) when I blog and stuff.

Fake tattoos (see A) + frealz running clothes bought from Sports Authority (see B) = You're legit even if you don't act like it (see C and D)

(A)

(B)

(C)

(D)

Exhaustion (see A) + 17-ish miles (see B) = Don't try to pass that girl right before your personal finish line on a sprint over some shrubs and what turns out to be a hose hidden under the dirt or you'll look like this (see C, D, E)

(A)

(B)

(C)

(D)

(E)

Significant Others (see A times 4) + 48 hrs of survival (see B times 6) = TrueLoveAlways (see C)

(A)

(B)

(C)

Sweaty people in a van + Sweaty people in a van + Sweaty people...............you get the idea = Sweaty CRAZY people in a van

(see all)

Choosing to be team captain (see A) + running man skillz (at the finish line no less,.....see B) = the best team a girl could ever ask for (see C times 3)

(A)

(B)

(C)

Long live Team S.L.A.M.B!!!

One year

2011-07-11T15:55:00.001-07:00

Our time in San Diego, according to my iPhone.

2011-06-11T13:33:00.000-07:00

LEGOLAND

WATER PARK

BEACH

USS MIDWAY (AIRCRAFT CARRIER)

MORMON BATTALION (OLD TOWN SD)

Memorial Day

2011-05-30T18:25:00.000-07:00

Sedona Final Chapter (Pink Jeep Offroad Tour, Hoover Damn, and Shark Reef)-- A list

2011-05-26T20:03:00.000-07:00

1. Little boys are the hot fudge to my sundae,.....the fabric softener to my towels,......the pedicure to my summer sandals. Basically, I couldn't live without them.

I especially love little boys when you are in the middle of nowhere and somebody "needs to go".

(No cactus were harmed in the relieving of this child)

2. Pink Jeep tours are not for sissy's. Bring a padded behind (check), a camera strapped firmly to your person (check) and preteen boys screaming with delight (check, check, check).

(grandma's who giggle the whole way don't hurt either)

3. Don't do you hair while in Sedona. It's pointless. The wind/breeze......oye. Hence AV's........V (visor).

4. Hoover Damn is very educational. Basically like home schooling.

5. The Las Vegas strip has more to offer than half naked ladies and gambling.

Why yes, it HAS been a well over a month since this vacation ended,......

....why do you ask?

Hall & Oates

2011-05-23T20:14:00.000-07:00

Some of you may be aware of my recent obsession with all things 80's. Specifically 80's music. Much more specifically, Hall & Oates. I mean, who wouldn't want some of this right?

Don't deny it.

That stache.

The feathered bangs.

I'm getting phantom shoulder pad and scrunchy pains.

So, as I sat down to do another post about our adventures in Sedona last month all that was running through my mind were H&O lyrics. Please bear with me.

Our trip to Out of Africa Wildlife Park:

To the Tune of "Maneater"--
She'll only come out at night
The lean and hungry type
Nothing is new, I've seen her here before
Watching and waiting--

I wouldn't if I were you
I know what she can do
She's deadly man, she could really rip your world apart


Switching to "Kiss is on my list" tune here---
(Because your kiss) your kiss I can't resist
(Because your kiss is what I miss) when I turn off the light

(Yup,....you are seeing what you think you're seeing.....Memzy feeding a giraffe a carrot.....from her mouth)

Queue "You make my dreams come true" tunage (one of my personal faves) specifically as you see Char Char in this pic--

Well well you (ooh ooh ooh ooh) you make my dreams come true (you you) you
(you you)


What I want, I've got
But it might be hard to handle
Like the flame that burns the candle
The candle feeds the flaaaaaaame

Well well well you (ooh ooh ooh ooh) ooh you make my dreams come true (you
you you you) oh yeah
When they're messin' with a dreamer
I can laugh it in the face




Pushing Jukebox button to the tune of "Private Eyes"--
I see you, you see me
watch you blowin' the lines when you're making a scene
Oh girl, you've got to know
  Private Eyes
  they're watching you
  they see your every move
  Private Eyes
  they're watching you

Hitting fast forward on my cassette tape in the boombox to 
"Say it Isn't So"--

(Say it) 
Who propped you up when you were stopped 
Low motivation had you on the ground 



I know your first reaction 
You slide away hide away, goodbye 
You have to say it isn't so (It isn't so) I say it isn't so, oh, no (It isn't so) 
Now I dare you to not go and look up those song geniuses on iTunes right now.
Double Dog Dare.

Churches, Chilly Water, and Chances

2011-05-10T16:26:00.000-07:00

You may or may not be aware that Sedona, AZ is full of vortexes. Frealz. You can also get your aura photographed. Too bad we didn't have time to do that. I'm pretty sure my aura is a nice pale butter color. However, we did have time to visit a church that was actually ON a vortex. Or is it IN a vortex. Or maybe ABOUT a vortex?

Either way we were prepared to be vortex-ed.

Pondering possible aura-induced mystical......um.....feelings?

Those candles were only $1 to light. In case your aura needed some, uh, incentive.

You guys buying this?

Yeeeah, us neither.

That's about as believable as me going more than 24 hours without a Diet Soda. (more like 12 hrs but you don't have to be so JUDGY)

We were just there for the views yo!

Right up the canyon from Sedona and our hotel was a state park known as Slide Rock. A natural water slide made up of just-melted-from-the-winter-snow water and scrape-your-fanny-style rocks.

So I was told anyway. I didn't actually get IN the water!! That'd be just as plausible as me not knowing every single word to Selena Gomez's latest song, "Who Says".

Wait for it to sink in.

Wait for it.

Yeah?

Anyway, gorgeous weather

Beautiful scenery

Especially gratifying when standing around, fully clothed, with camera in hand.

Jespy was braver than me. She put her toe in.

Braver still was Shed who got in up to his ankles I think. Maybe even his shins.

Braveriest of all tho were those boys.

I'd like to take a brief moment and interject here. I'm perfectly happy embracing my lack of adventure when it comes to safety and comfort. As I get older my priorities are changing. I'm not ashamed.

Staying warm and dry and injury free? ::making hand motion:: Up here.

Being considered an adventurous mom? ::making much, much lower hand motion:: Down here.

Having dark chocolate in some form every day? ::super high hand motion:: Up here.

Eating broccoli? ::hand motion nearing the floor:: Way down here.

You get it.

::double gun point and mouth click::

To each his own tho. To each his own. I'm pretty sure Anthony feels differently than I do.

It's just a guess. He and I haven't really discussed it at length. Or at all.

Brains, not to be outdone, took 5 solid minutes controlling a panic attack whilst standing at the edge, only to overcome the threat of tears.....and follow suit.

I was really proud of him. I wouldn't call it a cliff jump but that might be how he's describing it to his friends on FB.

Sorta like this text converstation with Jespy in our respective hotel rooms that morning.

Jespy: are you wearing your swimsuit today?

Me: Just my top

Jespy: ????

Me: you know, with my jeans on the bottom

Jespy: oh you mean your black bikini top with the matching scrunchy?

Me: yup!! that's the one!

Jespy: k we can be twinners then

Me: perf...make sure your muffin top hangs out tho

Jespy: duh!

So, we've covered the church and the chilly water. Now I will briefly touch on the "chances". You may have noticed that Cracker was conspicuously missing from any "bravery" action shots here. He noticed it as well. He noticed it deeply, personally, and (according to him) shamefully. No amount of logic from any of the adults present would convince him he was "the man" just as much as the other boys.

Cut to 15 minutes later Cracker is on the ridge above us waving hello.

Cut to me yelling "Come down from there you can't go off by yourself!"

Cut to 10 more minutes going by and he's not back from his little hike yet.

Cut to me "Shed can you go check on Cracker?"

Cut to 10 minutes later and none of us adults can find him and some random kid tells us he went "that way" and pointed to the MOUNTAIN.

Cut to me going "yeah right" in my head.

Cut to Shed walking up to me and pointing to the top of the mountain and seeing an itty bitty teeny tiny Cracker waving down from the top. We can't hear him. He's about as big as my thumb when I hold it up.

Cut to me having a panic attack and successfully pretending I was cool as a cucumber (Jespy, AV can you confirm?)

Cut to the end when we found him and he climbed down and he was not injured and he was alive and he got a second chance to live because I didn't KILL HIM.

Did I mention he was barefoot the whole time?

No?

Well he was.

The End.

The Grand Canyon -- tools

2011-05-01T21:00:00.000-07:00

We were lucky enough to have the opportunity to take a week long vacation with some of our favorite people. First stop on our trip was the Grand Canyon. This was one of those things we'd been wanting to do for years and it was never quite the right time. And we never had the right "tools". And when I say "tools" I mean, of course, the version of tools in my head that you get the pleasure of.............oh never mind.

Tool #1: Bring with you the appropriate besties. Enjoyment and fulfillment will surely be lacking if you don't.

It only improves the odds of fun if those besties happen to be the same ages as you and your kids. It's practically fail proof.

Tool #2: BFF's or not you'll need your fam to appreciate such gorgy-ness. Even if you've just been yelling at one in the car because the other one won't stop singing that annoying song and the first one keeps putting his feet up on the seat so then you blew your top and screamed something with the word "dumb" in it along with making a SERIOUS mom face followed by consuming an entire bag of gummy worms and frightened silence for approximately 11.8 minutes.

(the above scenario does not apply to THIS family--->)

Tool #3: A corny junior ranger program that nerds like us lurve to participate in.

This provides said nerd herd with opportunities for education as well as moments of pondering the glories of those great outdoors of which we partook. (Brains and Cord really nailed this one)

As well as a super expensive plastic badge and swearing in by an official G.C. Ranger.

Tool #4: An appropriate sense of awe and wonder. I'm pretty sure you can purchase those at Tar-jay but we had one in the car that we pulled out for the occasion.

Tool #5: A strong trust in your children's safety (and more specifically in your ability to not squeal and shriek with worry as they get close to an "edge". I forgot to pick one of those tools up at Wal-shiz so Shed had to take this picture for me.

Tool #6: Snowman makings.

Yeah. Not kidding and stuff.

Sooo, more to come later. I've gotta go do important stuff like watch Celebrity Apprentice and try to sand blast the callouses off my heels that have formed just in time for spring.

::SIGH::

2011-04-14T07:39:00.000-07:00

Why do I do this to myself?

Advice: Don't go looking through old vacay pics when you have a brazillion things to do that day.

kthanksbye

A Monday List

2011-04-11T15:18:00.000-07:00

1. I'm 69.4% positive that I've gained a few pounds in the last few weeks. I'm also 84.3% positive it has to do with my hands. They will NOT stop putting food in my mouth. The nerve. I've been busy (and successfully) pretending that those pounds don't exist. Your brain is a very powerful muscle. Exercise often.

2. Your metabolism is sometimes not such a powerful muscle. Exercise less.

3. This log was built on a foundation of self-humiliation so this fits right in.

4. My little Char Char finally learned how to pray properly. You know, proper opening,...thanking for ____,......asking for _____,....proper ending. It all came together yesterday when he filled in last minute in primary. Having his mom be in charge of conducting this month has it's disadvantages methinks.

5. In the prayer he was thankful "that all the people who die can live in Heaven, especially my grandpa who died can live in Heaven."

6. I then went home and sucked my thumb for 4.35 hours.

7. We are counting down 4 more days until we hit the road for Spring Break. We will be meeting up with these lovely folks on our way to Sedona, AZ via the Grand Canyon. Aunt Visor will be joining us for a few of those days. Hollah!! We've pinned our hopes on this groovy hotel as being "kitschy" and all about the "experience".

8. If I blog approximately one week from now a picture of me pointing a figurative gun to my head,....you'll know that we failed.

9. How annoying is it when someone says "Hollah!" let alone types it?........................Don't answer that.

10. Guess who's turning in their paperwork tomorrow to start substitute teaching? ::pointing to self:: I'm especially hoping to sub in the junior high. Every 7th grader loves for his mom to substitute teach in his school, right? He's gonna LOVE my Care Bear sweatshirt I've picked out just for the occasion!!

My mom is MEAN

2011-04-06T18:18:00.000-07:00

She sent me this on an email yesterday.

Now I'm in the fetal and can't get out of bed. Thanks a LOT, AV.

Graham Crackers are Good

2011-03-29T22:03:00.000-07:00

But Grahamy-Bears are better

Clara agrees.

Cuz she's tasted both.

We know where he gets his moves

2011-03-22T07:29:00.000-07:00

I'm not what you'd call adventurous

2011-03-15T16:30:00.000-07:00

I've lived in exactly two places.

1- B-town
2-Provo, UT (during my years at college)

I never intended it to be like that. I always assumed I'd fall in love and marry a guy from another state and possibly live there,....or my hubby would have a job that would take him around the country perhaps?

But assumptions hardly ever turn out how you think.

Like, when I assumed the speed limit on R. Hwy was 60.

Or when I assumed that Char would wipe his feet before entering the house after playing in the mud.

Also, when I assumed that you couldn't really see that hole in my yoga pants.

I could go on and on but a voice inside my head is telling me to stop and I'm gonna go ahead and take it's advice.

I love my life and have no complaints. But the point is that I live in a bubble. I was raised her. I have family here. I know a brazillion people here. The technical term I use for my situation is "isn't my life adorable" (said condescendingly).

I've become acutely aware of this as I've become currently obsessed with this show:

As well as my inability to turn off the TV when this is on:

HOUSE HUNTERS INTERNATIONAL

I don't have any plans to move, considering mi esposo has his bizness here. But if you gize hear of a job for him so I could live for, say, a year in a high rise apartment building, remote farmhouse in the European countryside, or a bungalow near the beach in Belize......you let me know.

Then I'll come back to B-town and slip right back into my bubble. Soapy feet and all.

Parallels

2011-03-04T10:57:00.000-08:00

For lack of a better way to describe it, I like to think of my life as running in parallels. Basically I'm re-doing my life in male form but now I get to be the parent. That provides a lot of upsides. I get to pick what we eat for dinner, put someone in their room for misbehavior, make the little people in my life do chores and no one can make me sit at the dinner table until I finish my spinach, which ends in gag/vomiting. Come to think of it, maybe that's why Char threw a fit last night about tasting that homemade smoothie I'd given him. I'll make note to ponder on that at another time.

Anyhoo, recently my oldest hooligan performed in a county-wide honor band performance. There were tryouts and kids from schools all over the county could attempt a spot. Brains made 6th chair out of 12 trumpets. Lots of practice and rehearsal weeks later it was time to attend the big shindig.

Here's a pic during his solo. SOLO. I'm approximately 5,023 feet away here so I couldn't really tell if he felt good about it at the time. But I'm pretty sure he nailed it.

The reason this parallels my life is that this band event was held in the same venue that I performed my Nutcracker ballet at the same age as Brains is now.

I don't remember specifically what I was thinking at this moment. But I'm pretty sure I nailed it.

Largely in part due to Aunt Visor sewing this taffeta dress for my debut as a girl in the party scene that year. Yes, I was a boy two years in a row prior and that has nothing to do with my possible desire for a trip to the therapist to do a little analysis.

Who doesn't want a therapist to analyze them right?

::crickets chirping::

Well, it was really fun to see him perform in such a cool thing. There were guest directors that came from all over the country and they commented multiple times on how great these students were and how lucky B-town is to have such a supportive musical community. I'd have to agree.

And yes, Char DID play his iTouch through 58% of the program but we were up high and no one could tell.

Speaking of Char......parallel numero dos.

Every day after I pick him up from the bus it takes no more than 7.4 seconds for the doorbell to ring. Char's bestie, Z-train, lives right next door. They attended the same kindergarten class together last year and are inseparable. The 3 hours between school and dinner consist wholly and emphatically of play time with Z. My play room can prove it. I tried to get something out of there yesterday and I still have the Lego imprinting on my foot. But I digress.

Z-train and Char can play for hours without stopping to take a breath. They move from backyard, to playroom, to Wii, to computer, to front yard with Razor's, to Z's house on occasion. I'm convinced they dream about each other at night playing Pokemon or some sort of jungle rescue.

His family is from Jordan originally and they have strong accents. So Z has always pronounced Char's name "Sharleee". When we were gone for two weeks over Xmas, when Z's mom found out she told me, in her very thick accent, "Z's gonna be soooo pizzzed off."

So yeah. Besties.

Flash back to El Portal Road circa 1981 and look what we have here?!

Have mercy smocked dresses and pink sponge rollered hair. Have double mercy Uncle Visor and his plaid blazer in the background. I believe this was Easter Sunday. I'm standing next to my neighborhood bestie, Cam. I recall many a playtime with her after school playing restaurant in the family room. No one wanted to be our guests and so we pretended there was a couple out to dinner that gave us a generous tip and I cannot believe that guy just asked for us to send this pasta back!! We also enjoyed "school" quite a bit. We co-taught an unruly class of kindergartners and recess time was short. One of my favorite things to do was to head to her house to use her swimming pool. It was there I learned how to dive properly and mastered the fine art of "Beethoven hair" and doing gracious hand stands in the shallow end. Cam and I don't talk now. We never really did after we moved away out of high school and on with our lives. But I still hear about her through her mom now and again. And if you were wondering, yes, she's drop dead gorgeous and has the most beautiful hair you've ever seen. I remember puberty being especially difficult for me that particular year she, er,....blossomed.

In other news, Shed's business has been nominated for "Best Bank/Financial Institute" in Kern County. I'd love for you to help a girl out and click on this link right here:

Vote for Shed's Moneywise Biz

Just type in your email and they will send you a link to vote. There are tons of things to vote on. But you only have to vote for his and then hit submit. One per email address. Just to be clear you wanna vote for "Moneywise Wealth Management".

This will parallel my happiness level.

I know you gize like parallels.

Do you remember....?

2011-02-28T18:33:00.000-08:00

When my back used to "slip out" once or twice a year and then I'd look like this?

All side ways and stuff is cute, ....for a minute. This time was so awesome cuz I was camping at the time. Good memories. Good stuff.

Do you remember when my BMFF (best mature friend forever) lived here in town? No of course you don't. Roxie wasn't known to this blogger world very long before she deserted me and moved to Le Boise. RIP "Bakersfield Roxie". RIP.

Do you remember when Cracker was exactly 100% obsessed with Zelda and dressed up as Link daily? No. You wouldn't remember that either. He was just itty bitty and I made him a Link costume that Halloween. During the ward party I officially became the most popular mom of the moment among the 12-18yr old boys demographic. That lasted approximately 1.3 hours. At least it's more than the usual "10 seconds".

What about when Aunt Visor ran that marathon in Vancouver? Wha?! I never told you that? She's was definitely the least sweaty and most stylish of all the runners. I'm pretty sure the race security team would let us back onto Victoria Island now. 83% sure anyway.

How about if you remember Beebs EVER being this wittle.

She's mean!! Why does she hurt me so!

Wait, do you gize remember when I thought I'd try surfing out as a hobby?

::insert hysterical laugh here::

And in other news, do you remember when Shed decided to participate in "Twin Day" at work? It's like high school all over again.

::shaking head::

Even funnier is that he works on a desert LAKE, right?

Most importantly do you remember when I used to blog about the day to day goings on in mine and my families life?

Yeah.

Me neither.

Hearts Day

2011-02-15T17:34:00.000-08:00

I did nothing special or extraordinary for Valentine's day.

I'm an overachiever that way.

Come 2:30 or 3pm I was starting to feel guilty, ergo (that means therefore)...I decided to make pink heart shaped pancakes for dinner.

I finished and presented my family with a platter of deformed, and pink-ish looking hearts astride a bottle of ::whispering:: store bought syrup.

There was a pause of approximately 200 years.

I gave them the I-just-made-you-a-special-themed-dinner-and-you'd-better-like-it mom face.

To which they proclaimed the dinner delicious and glorious and they've never been so impressed.

I had multiple Valentine's this year. I'm a two-timer like that. Actually a thrice-timer. Part of me feels like that's the right number but the other part tells me math is hard, so I'm torn.

Here's my first Valentine: He single-handedly installed two ceiling fans in our house this weekend. He made 6th chair in the Kern County honor band for trumpets. He has flatulence issues to which he will readily confess. And he got his first anonymous love letter in his locker today. It said something about being "admired from afar" and that his "eyes were like a frozen lake". I officially declare him my favorite.

Second Valentine: He does his homework first thing every day after school without being asked. He could eat an entire loaf of bread and butter if I let him in one sitting. He is the cutest chess tournament player you've EVER seen. He walks knock kneed just like his dad and will cuddle up to you any time of day as fast as you can say "go". He is still obsessed with Pokemon. I officially declare him my favorite.

Valentine #3: Still has no qualms walking around nekkid. He is quite popular among the first grade crowd but insists on being called "Charles" at school. He declared recently that he felt like a teenager because he and his three friends "hang out together" on the playground. He is physically incapable of putting his dirty clothes into a hamper. I officially declare him my favorite.

My last but not least Valentine is this particular dood. He makes me laugh every single day. Bought me some pretty awesome roses and slippers to go with my very matronly robe that I will never part with. He accepts me and loves me despite my Golden-Girls-ish robe as well as my other idiosyncrasies that may include watching marathons of "Say Yes To The Dress" and sucking my thumb for 5 hours, oooh, approximately, ......once a month. I officially declare him my favorite.

Hope your V-day was good.

A list of 10

2011-02-02T19:18:00.000-08:00

1. This is one of the few times I can brag about where I live. While the whole of the East Coast is under Snowpocalypse I went out running today in sunshine and a........wait for it....................tank top! It's these small victories that keeps me from cursing B-town. Bravo Bako, bravo. ::slow clap::

2. I have a strange attachment to these new chips. Jespy first introduced to me their heavenly flavor around Thanksgiving, particularly when paired with hummus. Have mercy.

3. Do you think it's wrong that I only shave my legs once a week? I mean, even tho it's gorge weather here relatively speaking during the winter, I only wear pants. No one is seeing the sasquatch legs I'm sporting under my jeans. Not until Sunday, when I promptly become a respectable, hairless woman again. I'm thinking, no. It's not wrong. In fact, if it is I don't wanna be right. That's settled then. Thanks for your help!

4. There's something you should know about me. It's common knowledge that I have an unnatural love for diet soda beverages. What's not so well known is my, er, particularishness about such things. Diet DP sits in my fridge. I pop open those cans and fill my HARTS mug I've had since 1994 and drink. No straw. No Diet Coke. No Diet Pepsi. However, if you happen to be driving in my car with me and we are at a gas station and you run in to get us drinks while I fill up the tank (totally hypothetical)......only get me Diet Coke. If that's not available then Diet Pepsi is fine. But only under the most dire circumstances should you fill up my cup with straw from the fountain with Diet DP. I can't really explain it,... that's just how it is. Sorta like why Michael Jackson had that high voice in public but not really in private. It doesn't make any sense but that's just the way.

5. I am a slave to pop music on the radio. There. I've said it. Your welcome Avril, Ke$ha, Taio Cruz, Taylor.

6. I'm pretty sure I'm shrinking.

7. My children are also slaves to pop. Example: my youngest hooligan's obsession with Justin Beiber

8. I've been eating lots of fruit lately. There are pros and cons to that. That's all I'll say.

9. We get to go out of town with a couple of friend families for the long weekend to Indio, CA. I'll just let you look that up.

10. I'm going to run another one of THESE this year. Maybe two if I get lucky. Jealous!!

I've been known to get sentimental

2011-01-19T10:38:00.000-08:00

It's not like I'm sitting around the computer for the last two hours going through old photos on my hard drive or anything.

It's also true that I did not have to go get some tissue to wipe the tears away.

Where has my life gone?!

I would like to take this moment to apologize for my little ones overall.....situation. I'm pretty sure Brains didn't care at the time but still. It's my duty.

Speaking of Brains, he's interested in growing his hair like "all the guys" do these days. I keep showing him this picture and have suggested the "bowl" option instead.

He walked away silently. Accept I could hear his eyes rolling after he turned around. I have GREAT hearing!

And it's a little known fact that Cracker had a thick head of dark brown hair as a little.

It's more commonly known that he was a fatso baby fatso!!

^^The last part of that sentence should be said with a low, raspy and intense voice.

I'll wait while you try it.

Now, doesn't that sound....delicious?

Another fact that I feel you should know is that I'm biting my knuckles so hard right now I just tasted blood.

Sentimental indeed.

It's almost like my computer hard drive was plotting against me today.

She (cuz we all know computers are girls) called up Father Time and said, "Let's mess with Memzy today. She could use a good flush of her tear ducts".

I cry, "Rude! No fair. And I had other stuff to do these past two hours that did not involve my reproductive system to lament and dispair!"

They didn't listen to me.

In fact, Father Time never returns my texts.

But then I am reminded of moments like temper tantrums...

Growing a watermelon inside your abdomen and then respectively.....uh....getting it out.

Nutrition concerns or lack thereof, which includes and is mostly accompanied by......mess.

Diaper doody.

^^pun toooootally intended.

Potty training

And then I think to myself...

Yup, I'm good.

I'm off to do some kid free errand running!!

Take THAT Father Time!!!!

6 months today

2011-01-11T00:01:00.000-08:00

Como se dice.......vacation?

2011-01-06T11:36:00.000-08:00

Two solid weeks of vacay.

Can you believe it?!!?

Me neither.

Until now.

2010 was nasty. And we decided that to make it through the holidays this year we needed to get away.

Good choice.

Viva la 2011 !!!!!!!!

I'm getting off track. Just to let you know, I took about 350 pictures while down in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. And up until this point I've been paralyzed by posting a concise yet,....Memzy-like.....recap of said two weeks in paradise.

Don't worry, I figured it out. I narrowed it down.

::collective sigh of relief::

Here are a list of activities we enjoyed while in Mexico over Christmas:

* sleeping in
* zipline (see HERE)
* snorkeing
* Go carts
* movies
* ice skating
* ATV's
* beach/sand/water/etc
* bowling
* eating out....a lot
* swimming pool
* whale watching boat tour
* swimming with dolphins
* reading/watching TV/general slothfulness
* bungee swing

We will see pics of some and others not, but just trust me on this. AV, am I missing anything?

As I look back on this vacation of a lifetime I realized what a good mom I am.

::crickets chirping::

::nervous laughter::

Actually, a more accurate statement would be what a good mom I had and how I'm luckily smart enough to replicate her ways.

I'm no dummy.

So, I present to you "MY MOMMY TAUGHT ME GOOD...and other various thoughts"

Mother's wisdom rule #1: Never take your eyes off the road

They don't always listen tho.

Mother's wisdom #2: Bathe daily (accessories optional)

Mother's Wisdom #3: You can make anything look fashionable, even headgear

(see further evidence HERE on my mom's blog)

Mother's Wisdom #4: Always eat your favorite food on your birthday

(even if it's Italian and you just happened to be in Mexico)

Wisdom #5: Slow down and simplify your life

(Christmas eve dinner)

(Char Char spent no less than 3 hours in this exact spot humming and feeling this sand)

Wisdom #6: Nature can be fun

You see the whale right?

Wisdom #7: Confidence will take you places

Wisdom #8: It's ALWAYS more fun when Gramma's around

Wisdom #9: Stick with dad and you'll be safe

(though some of these pics might be argued differently)

(notice the itty bitty Brains and Shed falling thousands of feet at 100mph)

Wisdom #10: Use the buddy system

Wisdom #11: Smile often

Even if you're nervous that your dad and biggest brother might die while jumping off a gondola

Looks like my kids are listening. ::pats self on back::

Best.

Vacation.

Ever.

This is my new bff

2010-12-27T12:41:00.000-08:00

His name is "Nacho".

75 degrees and breezy

2010-12-18T12:45:00.001-08:00

It's gorge, no?

Ice skating in Mexico

2010-12-17T11:01:00.000-08:00

Who knew?

My four boys

2010-12-16T14:30:00.000-08:00

Look how crowded this beach is you gize. ::snicker::

Mexican Christmas tree

2010-12-15T20:14:00.001-08:00

Mayheeco

2010-12-12T16:35:00.000-08:00

When do you think time machines will eventually be invented?

Cuz this hooligan is wearing the same size shoes as me. And also just helped someone in our ward fix their computer. And likes girls. Do you think he'd argue if I tried to squeeze him in that high chair?

This other hooligan is turning 10 in a few days. And he no longer has that light, wavy hair. (thank HEAVEN he still has his freckles tho....there is mercy in the world)

And this last hooligan decided to confiscate my phone and reply to a text Aunt Visor sent me last night. I had no knowledge of this until about 10 minutes ago. He's actually very adept at carrying on a conversation via iPhone btw. ::sigh:: His thighs are no longer squishy like a marshmallow anymore.

So, I've decided that I'm leaving my life, with those gigantic hooligans in tow, and try to catch some time with them before they are walking through the MTC with a tag on.

I'm dead now.

So, we are leaving Wednesday and will be gone for a couple of weeks to Mexico for Chrissymass. Please feel free to Facebook or email or call me since we'll have wi-fi in our place and since I insisted Shed get us a temporary non-roaming cell service thingy while there. The only problem is----no TEXTING. So, you've been warned.

Same goes for Aunt Visor who will be joining us on the 22nd.

My plan is to blog occasional pics to make you gize all jealous.

It's what I'm here for.

Try to ignore the 3 huge man-children that are with me.

It's an illusion.

They are actually itty bitty boys.

If I weren't a misfit

2010-12-10T10:49:00.001-08:00

I'd like to think I'd feel very comfortable on the Island of Misfit Toys. It brings me peace and serenity. To know there are places in the world (albeit creepy claymation places) that will accept me with my flaws.

Just like that choo-choo with square wheels.....

I've got unposted pictures from ages ago.

Halloween.

And if I weren't a misfit, I'd actually have a picture of Brains dressing up as a mobster but really just looked like Charlie Chaplain.

Without the mustache.

Facial hair on 12 yr olds is wrong anyway.

Char Char agrees.

And if I weren't a misfit I prolly would have gone on and on about Brains freakishly talented music abilities and his band concerts.

You know, I felt oddly connected to that little bird who couldn't fly,...but swam instead. I'm sure flying is much harder on your joints anyway. And so what if that elf wanted to be a dentist!! Who doesn't want a life free of tooth decay and root canals.

::raising misfit arm::

If I weren't a misfit I'd tell you that my son loved football season and excelled at the sport.

But how can I stand next to that little water pistol who shoots jelly and, in good conscience, pretend that his team didn't lose EVERY SINGLE GAME this season and he hated (almost) every minute of it.

But he's not a quitter misfit like his momma. (Remind me to tell you about the time I quit running for elementary school secretary cuz I was afraid of giving a speech and also I'd chosen orange for my campaign posters. -- orange.)

That kid stuck it out til the season was over even when we gave him an out half-way through.

If I weren't a misfit, I'd tell you that Char Char is a natural at soccer (like he appears to be in this picture)

You'd think he was the Pele of 6 yr old soccer right?

Truth be told he spent most of his time like this:

Chatting it up with his friends and sometimes getting hit from BEHIND with the soccer ball. To his credit tho he has no idea he's not good and loves every minute of it.

Especially the snack part at the end.

Just like his mama.

And did you ever wonder what was wrong with the little "Dolly for Sue" on the Island of Misfit Toys? Me too. Turns out, according to Wikipedia (and we all know anything on the internet is basically true):

"A Dolly for Sue (as she calls herself) is a seemingly normal girl rag doll with red hair and a red gingham (checkered) dress. Her misfit problem is never explained on the special, but was revealed on NPR's Wait Wait… Don't Tell Me! news quiz show (broadcast December 8, 2007). The show revealed that Rudolph's producer, Arthur Rankin Jr., says Dolly's problem was psychological, caused from being abandoned by her mistress and suffering depression from feeling unloved."

::singing::

When chriiiiiistmas day is heeeeeere....the most woooooonderful daaaaay of the yeeeeeear.

My daddy taught me good

2010-12-09T11:04:00.001-08:00

My Christmas gift to you.

2010-11-29T20:07:00.000-08:00

I feel obligated to publish this video of myself on a somewhat annual basis. Do with it what you will. I have no shame. One day imma relearn these moves and perform in a ward talent show. One. Day.

My Family Is More Perfect Than Yours

2010-11-16T19:23:00.000-08:00

That's why I blog, right. To show off and brag and tell the world how awesome my kids are and stuff.

Well that's why I do it. Basically, I want everyone to know how fabulous I am. And if I have to paint a picture that only shows the good stuff and/or leaves out the bad than that's what I'm gonna do.

Cuz I'm perfect, basically.

JAY KAY!!!!

UNfortunately for you, I insist on posting all of my flaws and idiosyncrasies.

You might not wanna know how running in that race about a month ago had an interesting effect on my digestive system. (read: bowels). You also might not care to hear that I'm losing my hearing and I'm pretty sure it is substantially due to excessive ear wax, which I refuse to investigate. Or maybe you don't wanna imagine the smell in my car after one of my children left a chocolate milk in the back seat for days.

But you're gonna hear it. Just consider it a self esteem builder for YOU.

I'm a giver like that.

And since I am trying to focus on just that.....GIVING.....this holiday season (in the thoughtful way, not the buy a gift kind of way, see last post for details), I planned on doing just that sort of image builder for all of you in the form of my christmas cards. Only I received them in the mail today and some of the pictures "to build you up" were too small for some eyes to see. Instead of slam the box of cards down on the kitchen counter and make a loud grunting noise (which I totally did NOT do you gize), I thought I'd just share that picture here on the "internets" for all of you to see.

More clearly.

Your welcome.

Thank you cards aren't necessary. I can feel your gratitude coming through the world wide web.

I know what you're thinking

2010-11-10T21:16:00.000-08:00

And the answer is NO. You can't have him.

Believe it or not this child was born with a full head of "I'm a messican" dark brown hair.

He also asks me how I'm feeling every day.

...and says "yes mom?" when I call his name.....the FIRST TIME

He happens to have a very good singing voice and shares my love of Disney musical artists.

I have lots to catch up on:

1. Obligatory Halloween memories

2. Extra curriculars

3. My chapped heels

4. Funny things that Char Char says

5. My firm commitment to supportive undergarments.

6. That oddly shaped, and very recently born, cowlick right above my left ear.

7. Our plans over the holiday season

8. Your thoughts on naughty doggie potty REtraining (I beg of you dog whisperers)

9. My inability to completely decorate my house. I like to call it "Almost But Not Quite You're Almost There But Something Is Missing" Style. ABNQYATBSIM for short (gold star for who can call me and pronounce that acronym correctly....it's a very specific pronunciation)

10. An informative post on how I will not be giving out treat plates or friend gifts for Christmas this year and so don't feel obligated to give me one. But how I WILL be sending out cards and so-help-me if I don't get one from you, consider yourself blocked from this blog!! (how threatening is that really tho,...you gize are doing me a favor here just by tolerating my brain's kibbles and bits). And should you not have my address let me give you no excuse. You can email me at emily k w 8 at gmail dot com.

But I couldn't get to any of that yet. I had to just stare at this for awhile.

Have mercy.......those freckles......

Ragnar Relay Race

2010-10-28T17:24:00.000-07:00

I'd like to prepare you for an extremely picture heavy post. I couldn't leave stuff out! It's like having a Dewars chocolate milkshake without almonds. Just. Not. Right. So, no blaming me for finger/wrists cramps. You've been warned.
Our fearless leader, Anna, who organized and harassed all of us for the last 6 months to put this thing together. We couldn't have done it without her.

Actually we prolly WOULDN'T have done it without her. Which many people were saying as they cursed her name while running mile 5 uphill.....but I digress.

We had a 9pm meeting the night before where we exchanged cell phone #'s and talked about our plan. And when I say plan I mean, finalizing food and water and vans. The "plan" in regard to actually running looked a little like this:

"Finish and stay alive"

I think that plan can apply to many things. Don't you?

So, the Ragnar is a fairly young yet wildly popular relay race. It's run all over the country, involves (most of the time) a 12 person team, 3 volunteers, 2 vans, 2 drivers, 200(ish) miles, and 36(ish) hours. Each team member runs three different legs over that 36 hours period, with varying degrees of length and difficulty.

Doesn't that sound like FUN you gize?!!

Speaking of vans. There were two vans. In Van 1:

Dwight, Jespy, Me (notice the box of tissues, more on that later), Shed, Uncle D, and Ally.

We had the first 6 legs, ranging from 5.7-8.8 miles each, totally 44 miles. The race started with me,....at 6:30 am......up in the Valley of Fire.......still dark.....headlamps required.....reflective vests required......LED lights required.

Of course, by the time I got to the "chute" to hand off that sweaty wrist band to Ally, it was light outside. I had stuck the headlamp down my sports bra. I'm just now confessing this to the other members of my group that later used that head lamp.

I'll send you sympathy cards in the mail tomorrow.

Speaking of pictures of me running......you have to have ZERO shame to post these. I actually have shame but I'm pretending to be very confident.

Is it working?

Let's speed things up here a bit and show you how that first 5 hours of Friday went.

Ally (who was by far the fastest runner in our van)

I knew her for approximately 2.5 hours before this race. Now she's one of my new BFF's.

I heart you Ally!!

The scenery was gorge btw!! You wouldn't think so in the desert.

The vans would drive along the course and "leap frog" with the runners, stopping to give them water, ring the cowbell, cheer them on, what have you.

Sometimes (before we ran) we'd even be essited!

And at each exchange of runners we got to use these loverly porta potties.

As you can imagine they, um, got progressively worse as the 36 hours crept forward.

In the van we had changes of running clothes, food, pillows, sleeping bags (for that 2.5 hour "sleep" on the ground we got to take), water, electrolyte and energy food (gross!) and obviously our various cell phones/ipods/chargers, etc.

We had LOTS of fun in the van. That was one of my favorite parts.

Token pic of Shed running.

If you click on that pic you'll see he's actually...........smiling!

As he goes up here:

for approximately 7 miles. Up. Hill.

Maybe he was smiling because he knew he got to do this:

And he got to do it often since most of us were too tired to get out of the van more than once during any particular leg of the race.

Rools. Lots of rools from those Ragnar people.

Can't cross the street without a flag.

Have to wear the nighttime gear.

Have to actually move your bodies over the whole 200 miles instead of driving it.  

::rolling eyes::

Token pic of Jespy running.

She insisted I keep that pic far away. But if you click on it you can vaguely see that our beloved Jespy actually had robot knees.

You learn something new here every day.

Speaking of runners and volunteers,...look what dood got to volunteer right as his bro was finishing off Van 1! Uncle D ran in to all of us cheering for him and his brother, the other Uncle D, pointing him in the direction to go. Tender moment.

After running the first leg for our van we got to meet Van 2. This van consisted of Anthony, Anna B, Anna D, David, Trent, and Kerra. You can see a few more pics of that group HERE.

Not that I'm complaining or anything (even tho I totally am), this Van 2 got to sleep in that morning and only run 25 miles compared to our van getting up at 4am and running 44 miles.

As a giver of Ragnar information I feel it my duty to inform you of that. I'm sure you understand. ::rubbing sore hamstring::

So, five times over that 36 hour period we got to chat and catch up with the other Van.

And their yellow collared shirts.

Here's a few pics from the other group's fun time.

The driver, HotPants, who had to back out at the last minute due to a knee injury.

Anna D

Kerra

David, updating his FB status. I think he even did that during his 10 mile run.

Oh, and about that tissue box......I had a massive head cold coming on the night before the race. It reared it's ugly head between leg 1 and leg 2. Leg 2 was at 8pm at night and I had to carry tissues in my pocket so I didn't get snot on the runners behind me.

Is that too much information?

Over 36 hours I "went" #2 more than lotsa times, slept about 2.5, laughed, cried, stunk (thank goodness for deodorant spray), drank 11teen gallons of water, drank only 3 sodas (can you believe it?!), blew my nose 12, 635 times, ran (duh), greased my hair, tried to UNgrease my hair (no point), changed clothes twice, choked down some power bar bites (never again), did the running man once, cheered with a cow bell, met new people, took a few pictures, and then.....

it was time for the finish

Our van had a few hours break before Van 2 finished up so we got to go back to Jespy's house and actually SHOWER and use a flushing toilet.

We actually looked kinda normal. Good thing there's no video of us trying to walk. Picture the Tin Man right before he freezes solid. It was kinda like that.

::rubbing sore calves::

Anthony was our last runner and we got to wait a few yards from the finish and run in with him.

Here is our whole crew right after the finish.

I loved every minute of it. I'm still sad that it's over.

::rubbing sore quads::

But srsly, it was an experience I'll never forget. I can't wait to do it again. Who's with me?

Besides you get these cool shirts and medals

I've only worn mine to the mall and grocery store 3 times this week.

Pun-sational

2010-10-26T15:05:00.000-07:00

This is me and my sugarpants after we finished running the Ragnar this last weekend. It's a good thing you can't smell through the compy screen. I'm still in Ragnar-land in my brain and I really want to post the hysterical pictures of head lamps, reflective vests, porta potty's and such. But I'm waiting for SOME people to send me their pics that I don't have on my camera. I'm gonna plead exhaustion on that because I had my camera the whole time. But who remembers to reach into the glove box at 4am in the middle of the desert and run out into the 45 degree weather to capture Tony running into the crowd with a sweaty wrist baton to hand off to me?

Hint: The answer is not me.

But until THOSE people send me their pictures I'll wait IMpatiently. I have some of my own but I need the complete set. If not, at least post your own blogs so I can link you.

So, in the mean time, I was searching through some old emails and look what I came across. It's an email I sent my dad 3 years ago. He lurved his puns. It made me think of him and giggle.

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." 

Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road." 

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." 
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."

Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was art ificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly. 
"It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy. 

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before. 

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" 
The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!" 

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.   

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and  asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer." 

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal." 

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) ... A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. 

And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

I challenge you to use one of these in your conversations this week and see what kind of reaction you get.  I'll send you your (endearingly named) nerd magnet after you report.

Knuckle Biter

2010-10-19T14:52:00.000-07:00

You know how you see the triple fudge brownie cheesecake in the dessert display at the restaurant and it causes you physical pain?

It's kinda like that.

Or how about when you haven't had a soda forlikemyever because it's fast sunday and you finally take a big long sip. (I know I have a problem, we've discussed this before)

It's sorta like that.

Or what about when you forgot that your Cooking With Clara model has growed up and not only that but she now has a 6 monf old baby brother with no neck.

Yeah, it's pretty much exactly like that.

I'd show you my bloody knuckles but I don't want to tarnish this post.

My STD

2010-10-11T14:55:00.000-07:00

Not THAT you gize!!! Geez. No, I'm talking about my "Sigh-Times-Disease". It's a very real illness. Look it up in the journal of medicine that's sitting on your coffee table.

Over the last few days I've noticed that I've been sighing uncontrollably. Like, one sigh every 3.7 minutes. I googled it like any smart person does to get a diagnosis. Through my research I've found that I either have a strong urge to picket on a street corner......or it's because of this:

Either way I'm pretty sure I need therapy. Cuz I did NOT want a dog.

But did you know that? Or did you just assume I was an animal lover like lotsa other people?

You probably figured me more for a "view the animal through glass" kinda person than a "get on the floor and tackle the dog" kinda person.

But I couldn't be sure, you might have to picket my house to let me know.

Let me rewind. I grew up with dogs in my house. We went from one dog to the next. First was Misty, the poodle. Couldn't find a picture of her but I also don't have a great deal of memories associated with Misty. Except one----when my mom backed our VW bus out of the garage and ran OVER Misty, only to rush her to the vet while in tears to find that Misty was, in fact, deaderz. Good dog tho, good times.
Almost immediately following the Misty snafu we got Chewy.

Try to focus on the dog here people. Just for a minute then we'll come back the obvious.

Chewy was supposed to be a Cockapoo (part Cocker part Poodle) but was, in fact, a big fat MUTT as you can see. Chewy was a great dog and even rode around in my brother's backpack while we would go hiking. Everyone loved him. Well, everyone but my oldest brother. And it just so happens that on a trip out of town one fateful day (my oldest brother being the only one to stay at home because of his job), Chewy "got out" of the yard and was hit by a car. My brother "forgot" to close the side gate. I'm not sure I've ever forgiven him for that. ::shaking my fist up to the sky::

Back to the obvious. How great was my LOOK?!!

Middle parted feathered bangs. Those plaid cuffed shorts were my favorite. If you look closely under my Aunt Visor homemade toll painted sweatshirt you'd see those shorts are sitting roughly at my ribcage. I won't even comment on how adorable my dad is here. I've already cried enough today. (thanks a LOT Izzy!!)

I was totally devistated about the loss of Chewy and almost refused to accept the new dog in our life. Skeeter.

This is a scanned page out of my childhood scrapbooks my mom made. As you can see the entire page was dedicated to this dog. I even used his ears as scrunchy holders and took a stuffed replica to BYU with me.

(Now you are going to picket my house right? I can hear the chanting now...."Friends don't let friends be crazy dog lovers!" "Please say it's not true!" I think you'll probably go with florescent signs and large black writing? Sounds reasonable. I'll bring out cookies and lemonade.)

I always knew that when I had my own "home" I would have dogs. At least I thought I knew that. Happens to me all the time.

After college I was married and had my own family. And I had to keep my own house clean. And feed my own babies. And take those kids to the doctor. And wipe up those kids poop. And potty train those kids. And I just could not imagine doing that for another thing.....especially an animal.

"What was I thinking?" I'd told myself. I'd become an animal critic. Animals were gross. Animals made your house gross.

And then I caved. You may remember THIS post. My little boys were so happy and so I was happy (I guess).

What I didn't understand at the time was what would happen to me.

Maybe it's the ears.

Maybe it's the humility from being a "lady of the streets".

Maybe it's the "broken" tail.

But one things for sure. I like her. I really like her.

Hence my STD.

::ginorm sigh::

Croup

2010-10-07T06:50:00.001-07:00

This urgent care and I are really developing a close relationship.

I'm not a fair weathered fan

2010-09-29T07:23:00.000-07:00

Rise and shout the Cougars are out. Maybe not "along the trail to fame and glory" but I still was dressed in my Cougar blue and surrounded by alma mater like myself.

They might not have "unfolded the vic'try story". But I did get to have a weekend away with this dood and see my old stomping grounds.

(Side note: Don't panic if you don't recognize half of the campus. I thought I was having early onset stages of dementia but in fact it was just all the remodeling they've done since I graduated.)

They weren't exACTly "on to vanquish the foe" but those "alma mater's sons and daughters" (read: me) were reminded how gorge that part of the country is.

"As I joined in song.....I praised and my faith was strong.....and I raised my colors high in the blue (even if just for a field goal, every point counts) and cheered the cougars of BYU."

(Side note: We've decided that the next year or two is gonna be a "rebuilding and gaining experience" year.)

In other news, we had time to see THIS person and THIS person and even my awesome cousin J-train and his adorable wifey. Plus we went here:

I'd do it all over again. Even if the Cougs lost every time.

For the record

2010-09-23T15:10:00.000-07:00

If I had a girl, I'd want her to look like this.

Life is like a box of chocolates

2010-09-19T22:14:00.000-07:00

I always know what I'm gonna get (dark chocolate almonds from Trader Joe's fer super duh)

To force myself to do a new blog post instead of dwell on the general boringness of my life I decided to make a list of things I've done or do. In no particular order,...

1. Last week I did 6 loads of laundry.

2. Then I did 3 more.

3. Then I drank 6 cans of Diet DP.

4. In one day

5. Last weekend I went to soccer and football games.

6. "Our" teams always lose.

7. I really shouldn't let that bother me as much as I do.

8. Neither should the softness of my rear end.

9. But it does.

10. And then I go into the kitchen and eat a piece of pizza.

11. Cuz I don't cook much lately.

12. Is that so wrong?

13. I'm thinking of becoming a feminist just for this reason.

14. The older my kids get the more activities they sign up for.

15. This is in direct NONcorrelation to how much more free time I'm supposed to be having since "all of my kids are in school".

16. Which is why I had another soda

17. My knee is still giving me big problems. Despite my commitment to run in THIS race next month.

18. If you clicked that link up there you know how scary the numbers 200 in 24 with 12 are.

19. Which is really why I should stop eating this cookie I just got from the pantry.

20. The special running guy at the special running store assures me my special running arch supports are going to solve all of my problems.

21. I hope he put my mental lapses in that contract. In writing.

22. I was in the ER this week with, what I was sure, was going to be my end. Brain tumor. Hemorrhage. Aneurysm. Stroke. Any of those were on my list of possibilities. Considering I thought I was going to die from the pain in my head it would make sense my thoughts would go there.

23. Whispering hurt.

24. And light. And general sounds of any kind. And vomiting. Lotsa vomiting. And allasudden my vision was all......mushy.

25. Good news!! Cat scans are awesome. And they tell you that you are not going to die!!

26. Although I was secretly hoping while laying with an IV in my arm that the doctor would come in and tell me that I wasn't allowed to run in ANY races for at least ::counting on my fingers:: 40 days.

27. He didn't tell me that.

28. Turns out you can develop migraines at the very young age of 35. Also, turns out 1 in every 10 people react OPPOSITE when given migraine medication.

29. Guess who is the one in 10? ::raising hand::

30. I know none of you are surprised by this. AV and I certainly weren't.

31. Speaking of my mom, she tried not to laugh when the doctor told me that.

32. And then he gave me morphine.

33. And then I went home and had a soda.

34. And did another load of laundry.

35. The end.

Hard to believe slash the funniest thing I've ever seen

2010-09-06T21:00:00.000-07:00

Recently while at AV's house and chatting I was caught mid-sentence and totally mesmerized by this:

Flabby Arm Solution

Aaaaaaaaand go.......

They grow up so SLOW!!!

2010-08-30T20:42:00.000-07:00

I swear it's been like a gamillion years since he started crawling/walking/talking/etc.

Jay Kay.

I'm gonna cry right into my crows feet.

I feel like one of my limbs has been hijacked (by tracker jackers) and has now become it's own person.

Doobie turns 1-2. Twelllllllvvvvvve!!!!!!!! ::ginormelous sigh::

It was a quiet celebration (by his request) with one of his besties. And I have now learned that these hats are what all the kewl kids are wearing.
I have also learned that when kids grow up they sometimes don't want mom's homemade cake but instead a store bought angel food cake. Plain.
Try to get candles to stay put and straight up and down in an angel food cake.

Then come back and report.

I earned a D+.

Along with the big twelve comes some srs responsibility (BESIDES doing his own laundry and rubbing my feet tho). Here he is on his Aaronic priesthood ordination day. Hollah at the shout out to Papa with the tie.
I don't know. Sometimes you wonder how Lifetime can put together a movie with laughter, tears, growth, mistakes, shining moments, etc., into a concise two hours (plus commercials). And then you look at your teenager and get a sudden labor pain or baby kick directly in your stomach, hear the toddler spoon-to-saucepan drum solo in your ears, taste the blow pop laced kiss from your preschooler on your mouth, and see the naked bum 8 yr old streaking from bathroom to bedroom and you realize...............yup. That felt like about two hours.

Not that I watch Lifetime movies. That's just what I hear around my mom circles.

Speaking of growing up.

::wiping snot::
Look how growed up Shed looks on his first day of!!......oh.....well......anyway.
My. Three. Sons. M. T. S. "Mitzzz". ::pointing to self:: ::making number three with hands:: ::pointing to noon day sun::
Chay Wagon started 1st grade this year. That means all day school yo. He announced that last year's first day "didn't go so well". Cuz he "didn't know how to behave yet". But proudly assured me that was not the case this time.
Cracker is officially in the "upper" grades in the big 4th. His teacher is "strict" so far. Not a problem for Dudley-Do-No-Wrong.
Brains started junior high this year. He loves it so far. I have so much to say about that. My own junior high experience was survival at best. Including but not limited to: name calling, shunning, invites to drinking parties, eating lunch by myself, holding hands with Smiley after we were both in detention, hitting my "chubby stage", Mr West (::shudder::), and pre-algebra.

::running around in a circle silently screaming::

But I'm sure he'll be fine.

PS. So many people have asked me what will I ever DO with my time now that my kids are all in school all day. (please read sarcastic tone there) Yeeeeah. You can see where that answer is going.

Skillz set -- Part II (Jeppson Reoon continued)

2010-08-27T15:29:00.000-07:00

I left some things out of my resume. More from our trip to Boise/McCall.

Skill 12: Finally meeting internet peeps IRL (in real life). Hot Pants and Aunt Visor finally see/touch/laugh/hug. We laughed, we cried. Well not really but we had the best pizza of my life.

Skill 13: Surviving Camelback Hill (more commonly know in our family as "Hill of Death") And when I say "survive" I mean that both literally and figuratively/emotionally. ::ginormelous sigh::
Skill 14: Making instant new BFF's. I can't do that. It's amazing how kids can. Char Char is still talking about Howie.
Skill 15: Not dying while riding other people's motorcycles. Definitely in the pros column.
Skill 16: Looking adoraskibble in climbing gear
(even when not really climbing, per say, but being hoisted by the dood)

Skill 17: Conquering "The Rope"

Sooooper high and hard. Not. Kidding. This kid's tenacity was astounding. I kept saying "you can come down, Brains, you don't have to finish". But he wouldn't give up. Lotsa people gave up.
He was a leeetle bit......sweaty after. And shaky.
But that's what skillz are all about.

To see more pics and upcoming video go HERE

Jeppson Reunion -- Part I (we've got skillz)

2010-08-26T09:31:00.001-07:00

Remember when you were filling out job applications back in the day and you had to fill out the "special strengths or skills" section? Most of my list consisted of:

successful use of hot sticks, very neat note taker, well organized backpack, and of course the running man (who can ever NOT put that down?)

I also happen to have one particular child who shall not be named who only considers some type of sports excellence to be any sort of talent.

Well I beg to differ my friends!! We shall not hide our lights under a bushel! And this last week at the bi-annual Jeppson reoon we did just that. Up past Boise in beautiful McCall, Idaho we shined.

Shined.

Skill 1: Riding horses.

Skill 2: Sailing "class" (lasting 2 hours)

Skill 3: ACTUAL sailing. (lasting 20 minutes)

Skill 4: Being fat and looking cute (totally underrated in my opinion)

Skill 5: Generally hawt beachy girlness. (guess whooooo?)

Skill 6: Playing nicely with cousins (totally applicable in today's job market)

Skill 7: Imprinting with your Poke-twin. Cracker and Tbone had to be ripped apart and cried themselves to sleep that first night after. Poor things. This is one of the rare times they were NOT playing/talking/discussing/reinacting some sort of Pokemon related topic.
Skill 8: Totall confidence in your plumbers crack.
Skill 9: Successfully stopping all the fun to have everyone in one place for a picture.
Skill 9: Unintentional hilarious faces. There HAS to be a spot on a resume for that. Nathan will have to post one of Landee. It's not on my camera but believachoo me....she's got skillzzzz.
Skill 9: Kayaking. This one is kinda serious you gize. I think I might train him for the Xgames or something.
Skill 10: Pinewood Derby!!! You don't have to be flashy. That's how we roll. Check out that Chay Wagon. Second place in at least 3 of his runs.
And Landee's dad built this track yo. Electronic...sensors.... and everything. Fancy. I felt fancy just being in the room.
Skill 11: Climbing really high stuff to prove you've got srs guts and flexibility. I couldn't do it....cuzza my back you gize (best excuse ever). Here is Shed showing Brains how it isn't the LEAST bit scary.
Our family seems to like doing things with these adorable harnesses. I think I'm going to buy a matching family set. Not for me tho. My back.

Brains conquered this "Leap of Faith" test. 60 feet in the air.

Going.
Going.
Gonezo.
K more coming up in the next post. Please have your job applications ready.

Second annual Hunger Games Cake Competition

2010-08-23T16:19:00.000-07:00

So much to tell you gize!! Birthdays, vacation/reunions, new deacon, first day of school-ness.

But before I get to that I need you to do a VERY important thing for me. Go HERE and vote for the best cake (which is mine, fer super FINNICK duh).

K, so again, mine is very muddy with an old lady walking into a fog and...............oh it's number two okay!?!

Voting ends tonight at midnight.

This is where I've been

2010-08-21T09:44:00.001-07:00

::Ginormelous sigh::

The Junk Drawer--Part 2 (get your scrolly wrist braces out!)

2010-08-13T21:34:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time (or as Char Char used to say "Ponce a Wanna Time") in Memzy Memzerton's junk drawer there was

::very dramatic music..............dah--dah--dah::

MORE junk!!

Jay kay of course. This stuff isn't junk....it's gold. But my time is limited and my organizational skilz are lacking as of late. So here is some quick scanning of the awesomeness that was had end of June, begin of July.

Jenny ESP, Princess Kimi, Landee, and myself had a fun filled few days here in the huge tourist stop of Bake-town USA. We also wanted to see Eclipse together and stuff. More details are HERE should you wanna expand on that time. Here is a clear view of why Aunt and Uncle Visor got the names that they did.

Lots of swimming with the Visor extended fam.

Princess Kimi getting to hold (and put to sleep!) Grammy Bear.

Who is THIS?! Someone other than Clara because this one is way too growed up to be her.

Blow up water slide courtesy of the Visor's. Complete with Uncle Visor's brother J Vest!!

Do you gize think he looks like UV?

Some srs fun and super lotsa smiles had

Even adult(ish) people got in on it! Not me tho cuz of my back (best excuse EVER)

More pool time at Shed's parent's house. (again with the Visor, right?)

Notice my adorable cousin Cody there on the right. A. Dore. A. Bull. (totally single you gize!)
I would also like to add that UV got a sunburn from sitting in the shade under that tree. Ha! Sweet UV.

I give you........teen angst.

Then on to the 4th of July super celleby on the front lawn of the parentals house.

Complete with root beer floats fer super duh.

Exhibit: choose-your-own-outfit-to-represent-4th-of-July. I really think the green flip flops add a nice touch.

Phew! I realize this was a lot of pics and not a lot of essplaining but I wanted to get this posted before I head off tomorrow for a big Jeppson family reoon up in Idaho. Assuming my camera doesn't act up like it has been the past few days....there will be many pics to post.

Now who's gonna come clean out my REAL junk drawer.

::crickets chirping::

Any takers?

::pin drop::

Gize?

The Junk Drawer--part 1

2010-08-09T20:37:00.001-07:00

Everyone has a junk drawer in their house. Or maybe a junk closet,.... junk ROOM even. You've been putting things in there that you don't have time to organize but you know that you will need them at some point. You just don't have the time or know just what to do with them yet. That's kinda how this post is. My online proverbial "junk drawer" of pictures and events that happened over the summer. I have so many so you'll have to brace yourselves.

And just like my real junk drawer here at home.....I don't really ever organize it completely. It just looks that way. So here are some of my sections of the junk drawer I've thrown in those little plastic dividers.

CHARLIE MY LITTLEST BABY OF BOYS TURNS 6:

Guess what the them was you gize. A personalized "legendary" Pokemon (whatever that means, I just nod my head and say "mmm hmm.....cool!)
Since the day after his 5th birthday until this very moment he'd been asking for a DS. Nothing else but a DS. In fact his birthday list looked a little like this:

"dee ess"

And surprising to us all, SOMEbody could read his own birthday cards. Papa was impressed.

FATHER'S DAY/MY BIRTHDAY EXTRAVAGANZA:

Complete with a special musical number from Riley to Papa (extra points who knows which song it was)

And his favorite gift was from me of course. A pic of us together!! (I'm his favorite you know - he told me so)

And lucky for me I got to share my birthday on that day too. AV was nice to make a cake to celebrate both occasions. (That's a LOT of candles)

You don't even have to tell me how cute we are....

BRAINS HAD MANY A SWIM MEET:

His besties were his biggest fans, often hanging around all day just to watch his events.

On the blocks

We call this one "The genetic rib"

(Papa's was on the left, right mom?
Mine is on the right
Brain's is on the left)

Homie's got back

BEST FATHER'S DAY GIFT TO SHED EVER!:

One of these cute harnesses!!

Jay Kay. I got him "Total, complete, all the way.." sky diving.

Do you remember when you were a kid and you had your own "yard sale" in the front and brought some of your old toys and books out to make money? What a genius you were! To make some other kid happy and give yourself a pat on the back and some kudos/money at the same time. But then, Shorty across the street walks away with (what you now realize) is your favorite Purple Pie Man (Strawberry shortcake, you gize, geez!).

This was kinda like that:

I changed my mind!!! Come back!

But all was well and before you knew it lookie here.

And to land in such a gorgeous place....full of....dirt and....smog!

By far the funniest part (for me) was seeing Shed stand up after landing and immediately looking like he was gonna lose his lunch. I could see th body language from 100 yds away. Priceless. His friend, Arn, didn't seem to have that problem tho.

Let's do a little compare and contrast.

Arn:

Shed:
(even greenish skin right?)

Ihave to admit, you gize, I couldn't stop lollerzing.

How do you do this?

2010-08-02T18:02:00.001-07:00

::ginormous deep breath::

How do do a blog post about your dad dying and his funeral? I've been mulling over that one for weeks. Paralyzed by it actually. I finally decided that less is more when it comes to the world wide web. I'm sure you would all agree to that. And the final push was imagining my dad asking me if I had a new blog post up yet (he was a devoted fan you gize).

Cristen Rio Parks died on July 11th after a 4 year battle with ALS. He was surrounded by loved ones, myself included.

His funeral was amazing,......uplifting.....generally all around awesome. I want to thank everyone who came....those who loved my dad dearly (doyee) and those who only got to know him recently and fell in love right off the bat (fer super duh).

AV (my mom) had the grand kids put stickers on the casket at the viewing. Priceless.

I also want to thank all the people who supported me and my family. Texts, emails, cards, food, Kleenex, funeral prep, traveling, laughing, letters, hugs.....the list goes on and on.

Funeral days aren' t the happiest days of your life. But as far as a day like that goes, I'd rank it a 10 out of 10. And like the text that this lady sent me that night describes:

"It was a perfect day."

Rise and Shout the Cougar is out.

Rise and Shout.

IT'S ALL ABOUT HIM

2010-06-20T12:00:00.000-07:00

It's been almost a month since I've blogged, you gize. (or FB'd or any other online communication route) Longest. Hiatus. Ever. I'm on sabbatical tho. It's a multiple month sabbatical and I'm not sure when I'll be back to blogging.

Check out my chosen field of study:

Sorry to make you gize so jealous.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY DAD!

I love you more than life.
-Emily Kristin

Yin and Yang

2010-05-23T21:13:00.001-07:00

Or it's yang and yin, I'm not sure which way that's sposed to go. Either way, there is a vast difference in the activities that go on in our family. Most of the time I feel like that song from Sesame Street should be playing as a general sound track to my life...."which one of these is not like the other". And during that song you'd see Brady Bunch style pics of each of the four males in my life and then there'd be me. Only thing lacking in that scenario is the general sounds and, er, smells that would go along with that song. (Don't be fooled those sounds and smells would include me. Sounds being the shouting "REALLY?!! Those dirty clothes were left on your floor AGAIN. REALLY?" But the smells would only be flowers and fruity stuff.)

Anyway, despite that we are actually pretty well rounded over here. Did you gize know that math was a sport? I know. I think they are petitioning for the olympics or something like that. Here is Brains at his very first Math Field Day with some of his besties (who are also well rounded I should add).

And these stinky, full of raging hormones and messy roomed boys (tho I can only speak for one of them) even get trophies for winning math relays! They even look sweaty, you gize. Math. Is. Hard.
So, here's where the Yang comes in....again. Or was is the Yin?

I consider myself a pretty logical person. I'm organized, keep my house fairly clean, look both ways before I cross the road,......ALWAYS wear my seatbelt,.....I even use hand sanitizer on the regulah.

At the same time I can let it all hang out. I can get c.r.a.z.y. Throwing away my soda cans without recycling them sometimes. Only shaving my legs once a week for church. I've even run a red light or two. But something about this just feels wrong.
I mean, do you gize see it?
Yeah, I'm getting that tickling sensation in my armpits that signals something. My breathing is speeding up and I predict a violent gush of sweat coming on. (my armpits really suffer as a mom, you gize)

But, I'm outnumbered. Even tho math is hard I know that 4 is way more than 1. And, specifically the adult in that number of males has quite a large vote. The BBguns have been screaming from the garage for his "men".
Don't they look so happy on that beautiful day up in Tehachapi? Almost like they were out on a stroll or a leisurely hike, right? Do not be fooled. They have ::whisper:: guns.

At least one of my offspring has a tiny bit of his mama in him. This particular one stuck with the much safer wrist rocket. Much safer. Right?

There were rools tho. And to his credit, their padre taught them and reminded them of those rools a lot.
Of course, that could have been because of the whimpering and sudden shrieking that the sweaty pitted girl was doing. ::pointing to self::
As an aside here, did you notice that I have a 16 yr old? Yeah, me neither.

It was actually a beautiful day. Which I only notice now in the pictures since I was.....preoccupied at the moment.
I really envy them tho. I mean, imagine going through your day in a world where this makes sense. That's gotta be a happy place.

Hello Interweb, It's me, Memzy

2010-05-20T08:12:00.001-07:00

I think me and the world wide web are in a fight. You could cut the tension with a butter knife you gize. But I'm not freaking out. Every relationship goes thru it's ups and downs. Me and the internet machine are just gonna ride this one out. So until I get my mojo back I wanted to show you this gem from Open House night at the boys school the other day.

Brains self portrait:

I hope that parents/teachers/the principal weren't offended when I out loud laughed when I saw this. (Brains was no where near FYI) Let's just say I picked it out right away. And this confirms his claim that kids call him Unicorn Boy at school, which he completely embraces as a nickname. I think he pretty much came out the birth canal with hair like this. It made for quite a difficult labor.

Cracker's Chess trophy:

Wha?!!!!? The Chess coach came into his classroom and awarded it to him. Our school didn't have a chess club this year so she came from a different school to give it. This kid's been having a hard time lately. So let's just say it was a HUGE "happy" for him that day. Apparently after only one tournament his chess rating is "phenomenal" (those are her words, not mine). So I'm pretty much Braggy Braggersoning about him. In all your faces. Btw, his school is having an "Apple Valley" theme right now and have to dress up in those old timey clothes. Which explains the outfit. In case you were wondering.

K, so the computer and I have a date later this weekend to try to "mend our relationship". I have lots more to post if we can get it together.

I was basically living in the dark ages

2010-05-12T19:49:00.000-07:00

You know, my whole 13 1/2 years of married life I've baked cookies and cakes and even ::gasp:: bread dough without one of these:

Happy Mother's Day to meeeeeee!!! Total sprise. Not that I've hinted at, whined about, or begged for one in the past tho. Look how she glistens and shines there atop my counter.

And that is where Lola will stay (yup, I've named her LOLA) onnacuzza she weighs a ginormillion pounds and this "no lifting" rule kinda prohibits for a while. Here is another angle. I aim to please you gize.

Shed totally rooled M-day this year. It's like this Mother's Day is to all other Mother's Day's as the running man is to all forms of dance. ::nodding our heads in the I-get-it way::

On another side yet equally interesting slash funny note: I'm allowed to walk now for exercise. Imagine my excitement as I hit the gym and jump on the treadmill (and when I say jump I mean gingerly step up) and punch in 2.5 mph right?!! (not sensing the sarcasm are you) I walked for 45 minutes. It's almost yet not even the same as a real workout!! I stomped my feet (and when I say stomped I mean tapped my toe delicately) and complained to Shed that these workouts were lamerz and why even take the time. And just to give you an idea on just how out of shape I am at this point, I did that first "workout" two days ago..............and now I can barely move. I'm SORE from WALKING.

I share this with those of YOU whom I will be seeing sometime soon and want to give you fair warning that my hiney has.....how you say?..............grown.

kthanksdontjudgebye

Drumroll Please

2010-05-04T18:14:00.000-07:00

Gize guess what?!!

My little baby sis had her fourth kid on Sunday. His name is

Graham Noble Cris Larkin (after two grandpas in the middle yo--and I hope I spelled it right)

I was there to take pics and help. Look how totally helpful I was you gize.

The short of the long is that she was in labor over 20 hours with no progresso. Cut to (pun intended) the necessary C-section. Hence this outfit.

Then, within moments there was this:
And this:

Have mercy. It hurts.

Could you die at that daddy's face?
Oh boy.
Um. Single tear.
::insert sucking on hand noises here::
::insert gramma goo-goo voice here::

Good heavens. Someone make me stop!

And in conclusion I have this poem:

Ovaries/Uterus
Don't lament
Don't cry for me
I'll borrow him
The End

Guess who's turning 35?!!!!!!

2010-04-30T00:01:00.000-07:00

Did you gize guess?^^

Mmmmkay, so in honor of this big day I thought I'd do a little "Ode to Landeelu Landerson". She's my bestest frousin in the universe, can always make me laugh, knows me like no one else, fulfills the role of "sibling rivalry" in my life, cries with me, laughs for 55 miles of the freeway with me, gummy bear eating, cutesy necklace buying, leading the pack in the next best thing advising, confidant about the latest hip-hop/R&B songing.....person in the world!!!

But enough of what I think. I've put together a little poll for y'all to participate in. Click on one,....or two....or whatever. We need to know.

And now it's your turn to really make your own mark. Comment below on what you lurve about Landee or wish her a happy birthday. And if you don't know her....I'm sad for you. Really, really sad.

KhappybirthdayLandeeluIloveyoubye!!!!!!!!

Parenting is hard slash funny

2010-04-25T20:37:00.000-07:00

1) My oldest son was suspended from school last week. Why you ask? Oh he just figured out how to program his computer in the lab to remotely shut down other students computers. I didn't know if I should punch a wall or declare him the next Steve Jobs. Did I mention he also came up with his own theorem for multiples of 11? Yeeeeah. Help you gize!!!

2) Numero Dos child has sleep issues. The, "I can't sleep cuz I'm scared but I don't know why I'm scared" and comes out of his bed 100 times a night. The same thing happened to me and I'm sure AV will confirm that all the Parks kids had sleep issues. But REALLY?!! My patience is wearing thin.

3) Little troublemaker/comedian/life of the party boy has been named student of the month this month!!! His teacher is the bestest and I heart her long time. And btw, while getting ready for church this morning the convo with Char Char went like this:

Shed: why do you get so dressed up for church?

Char: it's all about the ladies

Can you gize pleasekthanks advise?