Jenny's food offerings

What's a fridge without a LOAD of fast food sauces? Not a proper
fridge I say.

Jespy's house

This is how we been rollin'

TUNE IN TUESDAY--New Year's Edition

Let's look back on 2008 shall we?  How many people have I helped?  How much good advice have I given?  How will you ever live without me?    I know those questions are unanswerable because the numbers are so huge or the answers are UNpossible.  That's ok.  I just feel honored to be giving people a better life.  And I have a feeling that I've only just begun.  2009 is gonna be my best year for advice people.  My knowing of stuff is getting exponentially greater by the minute.  ::insert applause here::  

Good Advice #1:  New Years, let's face it, is a holiday designed to let people feel free to get drunk.  So, considering our UNdrunkedness status how do you have fun on this upcoming night without getting arrested?  I'll tell you how.  Did you think about playing a game of 90s Trivia? This will lead to hours of fun just "Trivia-ing" and laughing with your friends/family. Yes, beating your husbands on a girls vs. guys board game is fun.  Making your prize for winning a girls trip (cuz of course you are gonna win) is even MORE fun. 

Some of the things that I have done that were the most fun were quite simple...and legal. It's not so much what you do, but how you do it. It's all in the approach.  Yes, watching the ball drop in NYC on TV is fun.  Standing up and doing the running man in front of Ryan Seaacrest is even MORE fun.  If you really feel like getting crazy, get a 2 liter bottle of Diet Coke (just for yourself). Pretty soon you may find yourself making "shadow puppets" on the wall.  Because if I am somewhere on New Years, I am having fun... and very few things have ever involved sitting in a Police Cruiser at 3:30 AM, giving fake names, and acting like you are just as confused as the officer is.

Good Advice #2: Old cars are the best.  For many reasons.  You don't have a car payment.  You don't feel the urge to wash it on any sort of regular basis.  Your kid wants to eat his ice cream in the back seat while you are on to your next errand?  No problem!  You children consider the third row benches a trash can?  Who cares!  You use the mini-van as your own personal office (including papers, books, magazines, digital equipment)? Si claro!  So, my advice to you is this.  Keep your family car until it is getting run in to the ground.  You will be a much happier person to live with and plus the other mommies won't be in danger of breaking that darn "covet" commandment.  Cuz no one is coveting your life while you are driving it isallimsayin.

Now it's your turn my friends. Let me impart of you my wisdom. I will be answering via my iphone cuz I'm off to the New Years capital of the world--Las Vegas to see Jespy and her fam!!!  (<-crap there goes the covet thing)

New Year's Resolutions

1. Invent an invisible "play dough" barrier around the table that will prevent it from being tracked onto clothes and carpet. 2. Be more patient with this kid.

3. Start a boy band.

4. Wear paper crowns........................often.

5. Keep 4 year olds away from gingerbread houses with sharp-ish objects in their hands.

6. Buy new Christmas jammies EVERY year from now on. Cuz how cute are they? (ps. this is the big "santa reveal" moment.)

7. Teach this kid how to smile "normal".

8. Learn to love the "Magic Tree House--The musical" CD. Cuz this kid wants to listen to it NON stop. He practically has it memorized.

9. Have more pics taken of me with my "morning look". We see far too little of this on the internet I think.

10. Mat and frame the painting I had made for Shed of "Our Tree" for Christmas/Anniversary (the 27th you gize).

(look how excited he was)

(the painting)

11. Force my kids outside to play...............as much as possible with their new scooters (powerwing for Brains). Jammies are optional.

12. Take video of this kid doing his thang to his new "Dance Cam".

13. Learn to speak "Storm Trooper" fluently.

14. Buy more Nerf gun darts. These get lost soooo easy you gize.

14. Try to trick Aunt Visor into making these Ebelskevers (pancake puffs) for me as much as possible. That's why I bought it for her you know. ::wink::

15. Make more photo books as gifts. People seem to like them I think. Here is Uncle Visor's.

16. Teach the daddy to help the crying kid instead of take pictures and make Gramma comfort him.

17. Give Uncle Visor more nap time.

18. Take as many pics of these cute peeps as possible.

Blogging from my iPhone

Take that suckas!!

tUNE IN TUESDAY--Christmas Edition

There are so many unfortunate people in the world.  People without gifts for Christmas.  Even without food or clothing.  But mostly soooo sad because they can't give advice as good as I can.

Good Advice #1:  Check who the Santa is before you head down the show of lights in a local neighborhood where Santa is handing out candy canes.  Cuz kids are smart and they will prollyfigure out that Santa's first name is not Bryce and his last name is not Allred.   And he isn't a teenager. ::sigh::

Good Advice #2: As your kids get older you must find better places than last year to hide the gifts before you wrap them. (yes I AM behind in my wrapping!!! so what!)  But in case that happens it is perfectly fine for you to let your 10 year old think he is getting a huge bucket ofDuplo blocks for Christmas.  Serves him right.

Good Advice #3: BUY a FAKE TREE next year if you haven't already.  Trust me on this.  If you follow no other AskMemzy advice..........ever............you must follow this one.  Real tree=buy every year, gotta find the right size, sooooper grouchy husband trying to get it straight, a little to the left,  feel the christmas spirit yet?, dirty, needles everywhere,  small animals living in it, try to untangle the lights, try to get the lights on evenly, these lights are TANGLED!, water every day, who forgot to water this tree?!, try to take to the trash, needles all over your house. ::sigh::  Fake tree= buy on sale (pay only once y'all) after Christmas, get exactly the right size, get exactly the right width, branches are perfectly symmetrical, pre-lit, take out and put up by yourself, pieces fit together perfectly, branches fall open on their own, reeeeeally happy hubby doesn't have to help, no dirt, no needles falling, lights perfectly even around the whole tree,beautimus. ::happy glow::  Once you go fake you won't go back.

  **I would like to publicly apologize to my hubbykins for the first 9 years of our marriage making him buy a real tree and put it up.  But you are not off the hook yet on putting up the lights on the outside of the house.  Until somebody comes up with a pre-lit house I can buy**

Now on to you little Christmas Elves.  What kind of advice do you need from the best advice giver in the world?

The reason for the season

Cute Christmas outfits!!! Hollah! Just kidding.

But srsly, I haven't done matching outfits for my boys for a few years. But considering we bought new shirts for the Parks family photos (that my 10 going on teenager boy considered "cool"), what's a little red tie to top it off right?

They said there'd be cake

Someone has to help me get a handle on the Christmas goodies. Not only to I have a PILE in my kitchen of such things people are giving us,.........but I have a half-eaten chocolate cake from Cracker's birthday and I'm making goodies of my own to give out.

Any suggestions?

This is MY kid

My Cracker turned 8 years old today. At exactly 8:49 this morning. That face. SRSLY. I'm bawling like a baby. Sooo much like his daddy. He's the coolest kid EVAH.

It's unfair, really

That

a) Any human should be allowed to be this cute. Naughty. But cute.

and

b) That any human should be as obsessed with a camera as I am with my new one. EEEeeeeKKKK!! I love it.

Today was my first trial outside with good weather.

Now if we only had real snowy weather to go along with his beloved hats and scarves, right?

Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens

I thought you should know what I DO want for Christmas.  You know, so you can still have time to go shopping and stuff.  (And by the way, "whiskers on kittens" is NOT one of them---that's just gross........cuz cats are gross)

1.  Dark chocolate covered almonds.  How'd you gize know that'd be on the top of my list?

2. Flossies from Walgreens.  They are the green kind specifically from Walgreens.  Shed and I have tried out all of the possible flossers out there and these are by far the best.  Accept no substitute!

3. Ice Cubes gum in strawberry smoothie flavor.  Mmmmmm.

4. Charmin Ultra Strong toilet paper.  Again, there is no other brand.  One of those things you shouldn't go cheap on.

5.  Another thing not to skimp on that I use ALL THE TIME around my house.  Windex.  It makes me happy you gize.

6. Honey Bunches of Oats cereal with almonds.  I could have a year's supply of just this and I'd be perfectly happy.  I can't remember the last time I had anything else for breakfast.

7.  A car wash gift card.  Three boys + food + mud + snacks + trash +..........well, you get the idea.  My van is dirrrrrrrrty.

8. A mini-purse in the shape of jeans shorts with treats in the pockets.  Hallelujah.

9.  Hair clippers.  With three little boys and one big boy in the house who need a hurr cut once a month or so,  my clippers need to be replaced all the time.  Especially if two of those "boys" have hair thicker than a horse tail!!

10.  Baked Lays BBQ flavor.  These are my go-to snack when I want something salty.  And they go waaay too fast for me.  Just ask Shed.

Brown paper packages tied up with string,...........

TUNE IN TUESDAY

Lots of people claim to be smart.  Other's think they are smart but don't get up in your bizness about it.  Then there are lots of non-smart people.  You know who they are.  I happen to be both smart and willing to give out my smartness to you.  Your welcome.  It's my pleasure.

Good advice #1: Preschoolers talking about Santa among other preschoolers is risky.  If one raises his hand during preschool at your house and wants to share his little views about Santa you'd better be sure that he in "knowledgeable".  Cuz otherwise it could come out like this: "Santa doesn't come to California.  So, instead our mom's and dad's just buy us presents and say they are from Santa."  Lucky for me the other preschoolers listening weren't buying it.  And no, it wasn't my kid that said that.  Thank garshkees.

Good advice #2:  People of all ages like pizza.  If you signed up to take dinner to a family in the ward and couldn't pull it together in time to make a nice meal----get yourself over to Sam's Club or Costco and pick up some nice hot pizzas.  Everyone is happy.  Home cooked meals are overrated y'all.

Good advice #3:  Tie things together.....loosely if necessary.  For example: One of you children tends to forget things you've asked them to do.  Over and over again.  So, if he, say, forgets to empty the water out of the tub after his "soak" ..........AGAIN.  It is perfectly reasonable to tell him that he is now required to clean that bathroom (which has toothpaste stuck to the counter, water splashed on the mirror, and pee-pees around the toilet).  That's a reasonable consequence.  Especially since you really didn't want to clean it yourself.

Now it's your turn gize.  Make me proud.

It's Christmas card season!!!

I got THE BEST Christmas card in the mail today.  I think it out does any other Christmas card to date.  Could it be YOURS?

OH EM GARSHKEEES!

This is how much my boy lurves me!! Guess who got their Chrissymas/Anniversary prezzie early cuz honeybuns couldn't wait any longer?!! I am DYING. DYING. DYING!!!! This is like 5-upgrades from the cam I have now.

May all my photography dreams come true.

My Un-Wish List

K, so here is a list of things I DON'T want for Christmas. So, just in case you already purchased I want you to be able to return/exchange before the big day, right?

1. Scrapbooking/photo archiving supplies. Like I said before, it's not gonna happen. I tried in vain to make such things and have decided that I'm going to wait until a computer or more creative person can archive all of my memorie FOR ME. (I'm sorta hoping blogging counts in the journaling department of my life).

2. Socks. Not because I don't like them, but because I have FAAAAR too many pairs. And considering my recent love of slip on flats, they will go to no good use.

3. Nail polish. Another realization I've had over the last few years is that I HATE having my nails painted. Mostly because I am really hard on my hands and the paint chips in 3.5 minutes after painting them. I love how nice nails look on other people but I also can't stand having mine longer than the tip of my finger Short, unpolished nails are my thing you gize. And I'm ok with it.

4. Candy. Not a huge candy fan. I eat it every so often and on trips I tend to indulge. But all in all I would much rather eat a baked good or dessert than any kind of candy.

5. Movie tickets. Because I know all I would do is drag some other unsuspecting fool to see the Twilight movie 11teen more times. It's not good for my friendships, you see. I'm gonna push someone away.

6. New kids. I totally like my 3 boys you gize. Even tho they drive me absolutely crazy-going-to-the-funny-farm sometimes, I'd never want different ones. Char sometimes tells me he wants a new family tho. Should I worry about that?

7. Nice makeup. No matter how much I want to walk into Sephora and buy some really good quality things for my face I just keep going back to my drugstore stuff. "Maybe she's born with it........maybe it's Maybelline." "Because you're worth it. Loreal." "Easy. Breezy. Beautiful. Cover Girl." How can you argue with that?

Cuz we like to be unique

So last night was Brains first band concert. For reasons I won't go into (Shed forgot the video camera and our seats were horrible preventing any good pictures) I decided I would instead give you a little taste of what Brains can do on his trumpet,....Mario-Style.

Some things I've missed

Here is the IRL sighting of Markie23 and Quesetescapa together in one place! It was fate you gize. Neither one knew the other would be there--Markie to use my showering facilities, Queso to hang with me and my kiddos. Fate.


And here is the annual Trivial Pursuit match up between my bros and "the BIL's". Now, keep in mind that my one bro is a doctor and the other one is an MBA. Sooo, as you can see by my BIL Jaynus' expression (trying not to laugh cuz he and Shed are kicking butt) they enjoy very much beating my "smarty-pants" brother's for the third time in a row. Uncle Visor is just there to referee.




This is how Aunt Visor chillaxes. One of the grandkids falling asleep with her on the couch.


Family pictures with the Visor Clan. Here is the creepy "Brother in law" pic that my bro Smarty Pants suggested. Don't they look cute together?


Here's the cutest Visor's EVAH.

Here we have SmartyPants and his girls.



This is my bro DoctorGuy and his fam.

Next in line is me and the Shederton's group.


Baby of the family my sis, Banette, and her fam.

Now the big group shot, which some of you may have seen over on Aunt Visor's blog.
That was some of my Thanksgiving week and stuff. There was lots of food, games, pic, and peeps. Couldn't ask for much more.

Seattle Six Does Christmas

Only five people can be in it you gize. I took one for the team.

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

TUNE IN TUESDAYS -

Listen, I realize that there are people out there with high IQ's. Geniuses, if you must. But none of them can come close to the kind of irreplaceable knowledge that I share with you. I know things that Einstein could never even come close to understanding (like, for example, why you should never try to use a potato masher to knead bread dough). I mean, Bill Gates knows computers. But does he know which is the best song to listen to on the Twilight sound track when you are grumpy? NO, I say. And so do you. That's why you come here for advice. Cuz I give it good. Snatch!

Good advice #1: Starbucks hot chocolate is NOT for the faint of heart. It is a dark, very rich, not too sweet caloric Mt Everest (and don't even get me started on Mt. Everest cuz when I see those Discovery channel shows about doods trying to climb it, I just get ticked off---don't they have families at home who want them to LIVE?!!). So, don't be a pansy. If you want hot chocolate on a cold Bakersfield day (ie. 47 degrees) go aaaaall the way. Trust me on this one (especially you dark chocolate lurvers out there).

Good advice #2: Wearing the same jeans 3 (or maybe 5) days in a row is called "good homemaking short cuts". Not only does your favorite jeans that go with everything make you feel comfy, but you save yourself extra laundry that week. Try that, it works. Just make sure to change the top portion of your outfit now and again in case you run into the same friends 2 or 3 times that week. They'll never notice. Especially your hubby. (ps. you might want to wash them at least once a week, you know, for good measure).

Good advice #3: Micheal's craft store is a glorious place of Christmas bliss. Don't forget to hit the dollar bins where you can find anything from silly putty to temporary tattoos (come on, if i could change one thing about my youth it would be the lack of temporary tattoos) to spiderman notebooks for stocking stuffers. And then,...THEN you find the Martha Stewart aisle, which will make you WANT to be crafty and/or scrapbook even though you know very well that you are incapable of such feats. Or, OR, check out the pre-packaged gingerbread house making kits and imagine all the "Christmas-spirit-infused" family time with the kids while listening to Christmas music. And there is puff paint. And candle making. And foam wreaths. All this while the Christmas tunes are being piped in over the speakers and your eyes are being given visual heroin amongst all the decorations!!! ::hysterical partly psychotic giggle::
It's true you gize. Just try it out. I promise.

On to your questions. I'm ready to answer.

It's all worth it.

I was gonna finally post pics and details about the last couple of weeks with all the happenings going on today. Then I got this little beauty in my inbox this morning from Shed. His title "Gay Cruise". Leave it to those W boys. Enjoy.

TUNE IN TUESDAY--broked computer edition

K, so after many hours on the phone with the "people" yesterday my compy is still un-well. But here's the thing....it is my Internet connection you gize. Those DSL dorks don't know how intolerable this is!! So, sometime today between 12 and 4pm (lame sauce) they are gonna come and give it some compy medicine or something. I am typing this from the local library! What has this world come to?

Now on to the real important stuff:

I know things. Big things. Little things. Important things. Not-so-much-that-it-matters things. Either way, I gotcha covered. Cuz with that stuff I know, I turn around and give it right back as advice. I'm a giver you gize.

Good advice #1: Don't EVER let your sweet, funny, adorable, smawt, super hawtest hubby in the universe go out of town for a mancation the week the Internet decides to come down with the flu. Bad idea. If you don't get super really grouchy the first day, you will fer rizzles start twitching from blogger withdrawals the second day. Then everyone at the grocery store will ask you if you need to take some epilepsy meds to which you will respond, "I'm not CRAZY!!!" and run away down the produce aisle with a half eaten box of Lucky Charms. What? You got something to say?

Good advice #2: Chuck E Cheese is a perfectly acceptable form of "taking care of dinner AND family home evening" all at once while you are having your single mom-ness week. It works well and you can totally integrate gospel subjects at the ticket counter while you pick out your toys. (Not unlike using Twilight analogies to teach YW's or gospel doctrine lessons--there's so many similarities you gize). 125 tickets on the color wheel game!!!!!!! Hollah!

Good advice #3: Soda (or POP as some of you call it) definitely has an expiration date. Did you gize not KNOW that? If you let it sit in your cupboard for, er, .......like 3 months cuz it's not your favorite kind of soda to drink from home (whole other post--certain soda to drink at home, certain soda to drink while out from the fountains, and no I don't need to see a shrink) it WILL taste reesty. Is that how you spell reesty? <--Landee or Queso help me out on that one. Follow the guidelines for expiration dates. My personal advice is to drink at least a couple of cans a day and it will never go bad. That's what I do and I'm awesome sooooo.

Now it is your turn. But please be patient cuz that dood from the Internet-doctor-place might not fix it right if I'm screaming at him, "I have ADVICE to give today!!! Hustle it UP!!" Right? That is so un-mature making.