When brudders go off to school (and Lego Star Wars cheats)

So, Char Char is in lurve with his big "brudders". Any attention they give him is worth a brazillion dollars. And before school this morning all the boys were catching a quick game of Lego Star Wars before our usual morning routine. After the biggers left Char decided to carry onward on his quest to "beat the yevel". I was laying on the carpet in front of him and lollerzing hysterically. So obviously I had to run grab my camera to document. Cuz,........new post.....doyee.

K, so here's the deal. If you wanna "beat the yevel" in Lego Star Wars you have to do this...

And this......

A little of that.....

And a LOT of THIS...........
The tongue is key. It's all about the tongue.

The tongue is really where I get into trouble. Oh mercy.

Now I'm off to dust and make beds for the honored Jespy Fam to arrive. Oooh, and also make cookies. Hostess with the mostess you gize. Come visit too, mmmkay?

Ice Skating isn't for sissy's

And I'm no sissy. See I WANTED to cry with pain from the ankle fissures I received during our 1 hour "Memzy-Mommy's Preschool Field Trip".............but I didn't. Look how I'm smiling through the pain you gize. So, I do a co-op preschool with some other mom's and we get the groups together once a month to go on a field trip of some sort. I was in charge of January. The theme was snow play you gize. In Bakersfield. Do you feel me? So, being the genius that I am, came up with going to the local ice sports center for some ice skating/cold freezing/ankle breaking fun.
Char was sampling the ice from his knees. Looks pretty janky to me.
I suppose he was hungry. What?

My sis and her chillins. They even let you put strollers on the ice! So cool right?

I was completely prepared for my choice of field trip to go down in co-op history as the worst one ever. I was prepping for it to bomb. But, to my surprise, everyone LURVED it. Especially Char. Look how whelmed he looks here. He's like a pro.

Oh and this little baby girl was totally unaware of the situation. Just a (slightly slower) stroll in her stroller. Whatev.

Success!

Again.

Note: It is physically painful for me to post these pics. My little tiny kodak purse cam takes the jankiest pictures! So blurry and grainy. But there was no way I was gonna take my big daddy camera on the ice. Disaster waiting to happen.

TUNE IN TUESDAY

To start it off I thought I'd go poetic on your hineys. Cuz who doesn't LURVE poetry, right?

M ore good advice than any human should have, she does.
E very tuesday is here lickety split on the dot for her peeps.
M ucho smarty pants
Z illions of people use her advice (maybe that's an overstatement but....thinking positive ya know)
Y ou could benefit from her awesomeness. There is no charge for awesomeness.

So, in honor of food (cuz food should be celebrated...........daily you gize) I thought I'd give you a little list of advice of things you should never eat or drink. In no particular order:

1. PEPSI WHITE: Apparently Pepsi had a bright idea to market a "pepsi-yogurt" drink in Japan. Yeeeeeeah. That's exactly what I want my soda to taste like..............yogurt. I'll take my soda brownish in color and tasting of carbonation, artificial sweeteners and the like thank you very much. You gize should too.
2.DOUBLE DECKER SANDWICHES: What? Two slices of bread isn't good enough for you?
3. MARZIPAN: A sickeningly sweet almond paste often shaped into barely edible creatures. Example: It looks cute but why would I decide "this really sounds good right now" to eat this edible frog. That's creepy you gize. Plus, empty calories. Doyee.
4. EXTRA FANCY KETCHUP: Now why would you feel the need to give your burger or fries the white glove treatment? Let's live in reality people.
5. UNCRUSTABLES: Are traditional pb&j's really that hard to make? I suffer from laziness you gize but that is taking it to a whole other level. Don't give in.
6. HATERADE: That's not really a drink but it is so funny I wanted to share. Lollerz.


I'd like you to use some of these words in your regular daily usage. Either to awe your peers or to make someone laugh -- it is the same.

1. TUROPHILE: Someone who really fancies cheese. I think Jenny is the coolest turophile ever.
2. WHELMING: Adjective used to describe something neither overwhelming nor underwhelming. In other words, something that's just right. I can't wait to use this one you gize. And I look forward to hearing it from you as well.
3. JANKY: When "nasty" or "icky" just doesn't cut it anymore.
4. HATERADE: You knew that was gonna come up didn't you? Try it out. I dare you.


Do these things this week and you will be on the right path to a life full of happiness.


It's true.


Now what can I do to help you out? Hit me.

Our quick trip to Santa Monica--A commentary

Guess where we took off to this weekend? I'll give you ONE guess. You gize are so smawt. Our babysitter fell through for the third weekend in a row so we decided to take matters into our own hands and brought the kids with us and stayed at the temple apartments while doing a session and made a weekend of it. Here is about how my weekend looked and sounded. Get your scrolly wrist braces ready. This is picture heavy. I don't wanna be sued for injuries.

Santa Monica Pier:

Cracker: How cold do you think that water is mom?

Brains: Well you see Cracker, due do the moisture of the air, in addition to the moon's position in the sky, the water should be......


Shed: Cmon boys lets go see how the fisherman are making out over here.

Shed: Now you see boys, this is why you shouldn't jump in that water.....cuz of the sharks and stuff.....plus those barnacles under the pier are creepy.....

Char: Mommy is that worm guts that I just touched? Can I watch til that fisherguy catches a fish? You go on ahead and I'll stay here.

Cracker: Mom do you have a quarter? Dad do you have a quarter? Mom do you have a quarter? Dad do you have a quarter? Can you give me a quarter?

Char: Mommy you yuv me cuz I'm so cute huh?

Cracker: Can we go down there and go swimming?

Me: K, if you gize stand against this blue wall I will buy you a ticket to go on a ride.

Me: Char can you smile? Char can you smile normal? Char can you?.......forget it.

Brains: Do I have to smile or can I just try to look cool?

Me: If you want to ride one of those rides over there you have to smile.

Random kid: Stop bumping into me.

Char: But it's BUMPER cars. ::floors it and bumps into said kid::

Cracker: What do you mean we can't take off our shoes and jeans and go swimming right now?! Are you serious with this?

Cracker: ::huge sigh:: All riiiiiiight.

Cracker: I guess I'll just dig some holes and stuff.

Cracker: Mom if Char Char touches my sand trench ONE MORE TIME!!!

Char: Wha? I was no where NEAR the trench. But I have some good trench ideas if you're interested.

Cracker: K then you do THIS while I do THIS and then we'll go like THIS.

Char: I knew I had some good ideas.

Me: All is right in the world of sand playing again.

Meanwhile guess who is too cool for sand playing?

Me: Hey Brains why don't you help your brothers dig and stuff?

Brains: Cuz I'm busy doing this.

All in all a great weekend. We even got to take some cool pics of the temple.

Aunt Visor turns another year....

Clear your throats and get your singing voices ready. Haaaaaaaappy Biiiiiiirthday tooooo yoooooou................ Today is my mom's birthday. But due to scheduling conflicts we celebrated with her last night. She got to pick the restaurant (sushi-fer super duh) and then they came over to the Memzerton's for homemade cake (clothing optional apparently).
She even let the boys help her blow out her candles. Such a gramma. So happy beeday to you Aunt Visor. You're the best.

ps. her gift from us was a super shwank iphone cover and itunes gift card. It is how it should be. Texts to her today are welcome. Just text me for her numbah.

HOLLAH!

Holy Molasses Batman!!........and baby girls

Yesterday I got to babysit my two nieces for a few hours. This, in and of itself, is no major accomplishment. What you must understand very clearly tho, is my littlest baby niece, Clara, doesn't like people. Well, unless you count her family and Aunt Visor. For months she hasn't even let me look at her let alone hold her. So, out come the toys and Memzy on the carpet with big sis Liesl to distract her while her mommy slips out the door. And guess what? NO. CRYING. I may have given her a happy pill to help tho. Just kidding! HA! I was very worried for baby Clara's happiness during her mom's away-time. But it turns out she was happy as a clam. Auntie-Memz RAWKS!! ::doing dance of joy:: And thank goodness cuz how could you very well look at these blue eyes and not want to pick that baby up, right? I dare you to try.

So, whilst baby Clara was on the floor playing and I was texting and emailing pics to Aunt Visor to gloat about my success, I even got to make cookies. Not just ANY cookies mind you. These ones will blow your mind. I should probably add here that I am by no means a fan of cookies other than the chocolate infused variety. Snicker doodles? ::shrug:: Sugar cookies? ::pshaw:: Yup, I'm a lover of all things chocolate when it comes to desserts. So, when I saw this recipe on one of my favorite sites I was skeptical. But she described it with such mouthwatering exactness that I had to try it out myself. I give you:

Spicy Molasses Cookies

Those are mine too.^^^
I'm salivating just seeing the picture. Cuz we already ate them all. Wha?
They are the perfect mix of flavors and the outside is all sugary crunchy while the inside is chewy and soft. I have to stop now. I don't wanna be up late tonight making another batch just to fulfill this craving. And btw, while I was making the cookies this is what was happening on my kitchen floor.

Oh dear, it's the blue eyes again. ::washing hands of cookie dough to pick up baby to squeeze::
I told you, it's impossible.

So, I was so puffed up about my success with the baby and the cookies I even got out a special platter to display them on. You know, so they look important and my children will hesitate to grab one without asking. Aaaaaand so I could take a picture and post about them. Doyee.


Sometimes it is so easy to make me happy.

**EDIT**

Spicy Molasses Cookies

1 C sugar

1/4 C Crisco (trust me, no butter this time)

1/4 C Molasses

1 egg

2 C flour

1 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp ground cloves

1 tsp ground ginger

1/4 tsp ground cardamom

1/4 tsp salt

2 1/2 tsp baking soda

(note: I didn't have a couple of these spices and instead substituted "Allspice" or "pumpkin pie" spice. It totally works. Pioneer Woman even says so)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mix sugar, shortening, molasses, and egg together until well combined. Dump in dry ingredients and mix until dough is combined. It kinda looks like wet sand at this point but trust me, it balls up very nicely. Roll dough into walnut-sized balls, then generously coat each ball with sugar. Place on baking sheet and bake for 9 to 11 minutes, allowing to bake for about a minute after cookies begin to crack. Remove and allow to cool. But who can really wait that long, right? And if you eat them all yourself make sure to hide all the evidence. Not that I would know.

TUNE IN TUESDAYS - or not

Top Ten Reasons There Will Be NO Tune In Tuesday Today:

10. Me, Myself, and I ( I cannot think of a context in which this phrase is NOT annoying) need a break to let the juices simmer a bit.
9. Martin Luther King day reeeeeally took it outta me.
8. My advice column needs to remain "rare and fancy". Two words that, outside of souvenir shops, are seldom properly used together. I'm thinking I am going to make it a catchphrase of my column.
7. I would like more time to practice my David Lee Roth Kick. You know which one I mean. Or better yet, memorizing the whole dancing scene in Thriller. And possibly having some extra time to challenge someone to a dance off.
6. I've made it a goal this year to have more unnecessary usage of spanish in normal conversation. So I need to study yo. Hola, ladies!
5. I plan on taking a shower and really feeling the water. When I finally have the time, I'd like to enjoy a shower like this. Today might be my day.
4. I miss "The Cosby Show" and have been saving up a day such as this to watch old episodes of it I have saved up on my tivo.
3. Some things have been really pestering me that I've never figured out. Like what does the song "Sussudio" by Phil Collins mean? And what exactly won't Meatloaf do in the song "I'll do anything for love...but I won't do that"? I'll find the answer. I know it!
2. You don't know what you've got til it's gone. At least..........that's what I'm planning on.
1. Boom goes the dynamite.

Those things being said, I will still be able to answer YOUR questions. I just can't offer any new advice of my own today. And I promise I'll try my best NOT to make my answers as big of a let down as "erasable pens" were back in the day.

MLK the Shederton's way

Have Mercy

This kid is gonna be the end of me. I can't stand his sweetness.

Oh my. The freckles. Get's me every time.

House concerts rawk

All you people who didn't come, you srsly missed out. This guy was
talented! I like Michael McNevin exponentially more now that I've
seen him live. To top it off he is a sooper laid back, cool guy. We
loved it. What did you do last night?

Fridays are the best

You'll be glad to know that we spent our morning at a REAL bookstore.
The authors and publishers will get their fair share. And I will be
curled up in my blanket on the couch for a few days. Aaahhh.

Why do service?

If you can't receive the blessings because Aunt Visor is always
"making it up to you"? Me, Shed and Brains helped my parents pack up
and move my gram's apartment this last weekend. Today my mom wanted to
say thank you by bringing us dinner tonight. Homemade pasta with two
sauces, French bread, salad and chocolate cake. You can see how we
inhaled it. How am I supposed to get my blessings now?

TUNE IN TUESDAY

You gize don't need me to explain the reason you all come here, filled with anticipation every week, eyes aglow, heart aflutter, skin aprickle. You come here because you are smart. Not, like, smart enough to know lots of things (like me), just smart enough to know that THIS is the place you come to get it. Good advice. It's what I do.

Good advice #1: If you are gonna go "playland" yourself or your children YOU MUST COMMIT. It's like the beach. The first hour or so you try with all of your might to keep the sand off of your stuff. Your energy is often preoccupied with brushing sand off the towel/sandwich/child's hand that is about to hold that sandwich........without success. You are constantly trying to keep it at bay. And at some point you realize it is wasted effort and who cares if it will take 2 baths and 3 showers to finally get the sand out of juniors "underwear section" (or your own ears) anyway? It is gonna be everywhere and on everything. Once you commit to the sand being everywhere, suddenly it doesn't matter anymore. It's all in the mind. Which is what I tell myself every time I enter a children's playland. Cuz the amount of germs/general grossness/people-who-could-be-considered-human-rights-violations will be abundant. Just commit. And then it won't bother you so much, if at all. You might even enjoy the fact that you get to chat with an old friend from high school (hollah JennE!) without having to actually "parent" your kid for a brief time. *This is absolutely applicable to Chuck E Cheese which is one of my favorite places on earth with kids and that I WILL, in good conscience, get Jespy to enjoy one day.

Good Advice #2: Jazz Hands, the Running Man, the Robot, the Hammer Dance. These are inherently funny. Use them as often as possible. While driving in the car with your family?--Jazz Hands kills. In the kitchen making dinner while listening to the Backyardigans playing in the other room?--the Running Man nails it. Walking down the hallway past the office where your husband is on the computer?--Hammer Dance will bring down the house. I'm telling you people. Try it out. You will not be disappointed. I speak from experience you gize. Me and Landee are, like, the running man champions of the universe. I even think Jenny has video to prove it. So now it's your turn. MC Hammer won't even be able to touch you.

For you peeps out there who don't know what the Hammer Dance is (I'm so disappointed in you btw).



Aaaaaaaand go.........

I got to hold him

Neener neener

Hot Pants made me do it.

Snatch!! Check out the V waist you gize.I know my "gym hair" really accentuates the look.

I have a new boyfriend too.
Let's see how many people we can get posting pics of your wedding dressed. Aaaaaand go!