Yin and Yang

Or it's yang and yin, I'm not sure which way that's sposed to go. Either way, there is a vast difference in the activities that go on in our family. Most of the time I feel like that song from Sesame Street should be playing as a general sound track to my life...."which one of these is not like the other". And during that song you'd see Brady Bunch style pics of each of the four males in my life and then there'd be me. Only thing lacking in that scenario is the general sounds and, er, smells that would go along with that song. (Don't be fooled those sounds and smells would include me. Sounds being the shouting "REALLY?!! Those dirty clothes were left on your floor AGAIN. REALLY?" But the smells would only be flowers and fruity stuff.)

Anyway, despite that we are actually pretty well rounded over here. Did you gize know that math was a sport? I know. I think they are petitioning for the olympics or something like that. Here is Brains at his very first Math Field Day with some of his besties (who are also well rounded I should add).

And these stinky, full of raging hormones and messy roomed boys (tho I can only speak for one of them) even get trophies for winning math relays! They even look sweaty, you gize. Math. Is. Hard.
So, here's where the Yang comes in....again. Or was is the Yin?

I consider myself a pretty logical person. I'm organized, keep my house fairly clean, look both ways before I cross the road,......ALWAYS wear my seatbelt,.....I even use hand sanitizer on the regulah.

At the same time I can let it all hang out. I can get c.r.a.z.y. Throwing away my soda cans without recycling them sometimes. Only shaving my legs once a week for church. I've even run a red light or two. But something about this just feels wrong.
I mean, do you gize see it?
Yeah, I'm getting that tickling sensation in my armpits that signals something. My breathing is speeding up and I predict a violent gush of sweat coming on. (my armpits really suffer as a mom, you gize)

But, I'm outnumbered. Even tho math is hard I know that 4 is way more than 1. And, specifically the adult in that number of males has quite a large vote. The BBguns have been screaming from the garage for his "men".
Don't they look so happy on that beautiful day up in Tehachapi? Almost like they were out on a stroll or a leisurely hike, right? Do not be fooled. They have ::whisper:: guns.

At least one of my offspring has a tiny bit of his mama in him. This particular one stuck with the much safer wrist rocket. Much safer. Right?

There were rools tho. And to his credit, their padre taught them and reminded them of those rools a lot.
Of course, that could have been because of the whimpering and sudden shrieking that the sweaty pitted girl was doing. ::pointing to self::
As an aside here, did you notice that I have a 16 yr old? Yeah, me neither.

It was actually a beautiful day. Which I only notice now in the pictures since I was.....preoccupied at the moment.
I really envy them tho. I mean, imagine going through your day in a world where this makes sense. That's gotta be a happy place.

Hello Interweb, It's me, Memzy

I think me and the world wide web are in a fight. You could cut the tension with a butter knife you gize. But I'm not freaking out. Every relationship goes thru it's ups and downs. Me and the internet machine are just gonna ride this one out. So until I get my mojo back I wanted to show you this gem from Open House night at the boys school the other day.

Brains self portrait:

I hope that parents/teachers/the principal weren't offended when I out loud laughed when I saw this. (Brains was no where near FYI) Let's just say I picked it out right away. And this confirms his claim that kids call him Unicorn Boy at school, which he completely embraces as a nickname. I think he pretty much came out the birth canal with hair like this. It made for quite a difficult labor.

Cracker's Chess trophy:

Wha?!!!!? The Chess coach came into his classroom and awarded it to him. Our school didn't have a chess club this year so she came from a different school to give it. This kid's been having a hard time lately. So let's just say it was a HUGE "happy" for him that day. Apparently after only one tournament his chess rating is "phenomenal" (those are her words, not mine). So I'm pretty much Braggy Braggersoning about him. In all your faces. Btw, his school is having an "Apple Valley" theme right now and have to dress up in those old timey clothes. Which explains the outfit. In case you were wondering.

K, so the computer and I have a date later this weekend to try to "mend our relationship". I have lots more to post if we can get it together.

I was basically living in the dark ages

You know, my whole 13 1/2 years of married life I've baked cookies and cakes and even ::gasp:: bread dough without one of these:

Happy Mother's Day to meeeeeee!!! Total sprise. Not that I've hinted at, whined about, or begged for one in the past tho. Look how she glistens and shines there atop my counter.

And that is where Lola will stay (yup, I've named her LOLA) onnacuzza she weighs a ginormillion pounds and this "no lifting" rule kinda prohibits for a while. Here is another angle. I aim to please you gize.

Shed totally rooled M-day this year. It's like this Mother's Day is to all other Mother's Day's as the running man is to all forms of dance. ::nodding our heads in the I-get-it way::

On another side yet equally interesting slash funny note: I'm allowed to walk now for exercise. Imagine my excitement as I hit the gym and jump on the treadmill (and when I say jump I mean gingerly step up) and punch in 2.5 mph right?!! (not sensing the sarcasm are you) I walked for 45 minutes. It's almost yet not even the same as a real workout!! I stomped my feet (and when I say stomped I mean tapped my toe delicately) and complained to Shed that these workouts were lamerz and why even take the time. And just to give you an idea on just how out of shape I am at this point, I did that first "workout" two days ago..............and now I can barely move. I'm SORE from WALKING.

I share this with those of YOU whom I will be seeing sometime soon and want to give you fair warning that my hiney has.....how you say?..............grown.

kthanksdontjudgebye

Drumroll Please

Gize guess what?!!

My little baby sis had her fourth kid on Sunday. His name is

Graham Noble Cris Larkin (after two grandpas in the middle yo--and I hope I spelled it right)

I was there to take pics and help. Look how totally helpful I was you gize.

The short of the long is that she was in labor over 20 hours with no progresso. Cut to (pun intended) the necessary C-section. Hence this outfit.

Then, within moments there was this:
And this:

Have mercy. It hurts.


Could you die at that daddy's face?
Oh boy.
Um. Single tear.
::insert sucking on hand noises here::
::insert gramma goo-goo voice here::

Good heavens. Someone make me stop!

And in conclusion I have this poem:

Ovaries/Uterus
Don't lament
Don't cry for me
I'll borrow him
The End

Guess who's turning 35?!!!!!!

Did you gize guess?^^

Mmmmkay, so in honor of this big day I thought I'd do a little "Ode to Landeelu Landerson". She's my bestest frousin in the universe, can always make me laugh, knows me like no one else, fulfills the role of "sibling rivalry" in my life, cries with me, laughs for 55 miles of the freeway with me, gummy bear eating, cutesy necklace buying, leading the pack in the next best thing advising, confidant about the latest hip-hop/R&B songing.....person in the world!!!

But enough of what I think. I've put together a little poll for y'all to participate in. Click on one,....or two....or whatever. We need to know.


And now it's your turn to really make your own mark. Comment below on what you lurve about Landee or wish her a happy birthday. And if you don't know her....I'm sad for you. Really, really sad.

KhappybirthdayLandeeluIloveyoubye!!!!!!!!

Parenting is hard slash funny

1) My oldest son was suspended from school last week. Why you ask? Oh he just figured out how to program his computer in the lab to remotely shut down other students computers. I didn't know if I should punch a wall or declare him the next Steve Jobs. Did I mention he also came up with his own theorem for multiples of 11? Yeeeeah. Help you gize!!!

2) Numero Dos child has sleep issues. The, "I can't sleep cuz I'm scared but I don't know why I'm scared" and comes out of his bed 100 times a night. The same thing happened to me and I'm sure AV will confirm that all the Parks kids had sleep issues. But REALLY?!! My patience is wearing thin.

3) Little troublemaker/comedian/life of the party boy has been named student of the month this month!!! His teacher is the bestest and I heart her long time. And btw, while getting ready for church this morning the convo with Char Char went like this:

Shed: why do you get so dressed up for church?

Char: it's all about the ladies



Can you gize pleasekthanks advise?

MMkay I guess it's time.

I don't' know why I keep putting this off. Every time I tell myself I'm gonna do this blog post I try to and then............nah. I think it might be my PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) that I'm having. I'm basically a war veteran and stuff.

K, so the deal is that I've had back issues for 15+ years. It's partly how my spine is built, partly my activities and a whole lot of bad luck. Especially since I started birthing babies, my back would "go out" about once a year. I'd be in bed for a week and unable to function. Over the years I've done it all....physical therapy, chiropractic, stretches, medications, traction, steroids, this list is long. It's just something I deal with. No biggie. There are worse problems to have right?

Up until 9 months ago, that is, when I started having a pinched nerve out of nowhere. It slowly came on and grew more pinched. Again, I did all of the above things, but it only got worse. About 3 months ago I started getting much more proactive about getting it fixed since it was hurting ALL. THE. TIME. I knew it was related to my back. And in the process of more tests I found that I had two herniated discs in my low back. One was sorta bad and one was reeeally bad. So those are what were expanded to pinch off the nerve that goes down my leg, like so:
My options were slim, says Mr. Neurologist. I could live with the pain and be on drugs or I could have a discectomy surgery to trim off those discs and set my pain FREE!! At first I was really upset about my options. I wanted to do anything to avoid surgery. But at the same time this had been going on for 9 months and in the last 6 weeks had become crippling. And we all know that I'd only end up here:
....if I were to stay on pain meds. Mr Jeff VanVonderen knows that. ::super ginorm sigh:: So, it was decided to go ahead with surgery and I should stop any and all physical therapy, etc cuz it was only making it worse.

I thought it would be a month until they could do the surgery but then I got a phone call from the surgeon (down in LA) that he had a cancellation and could I come the next week. I was so essited!! I'd done all my research and could not WAIT to be pain free. My doc said it was laproscopic and I could even go home the same day if I wanted to.

See how happy I was?
So I go into the surgery at a pain level of 6, and I wake up at a pain level of TEN, TEN, TEN, what the aych happened....10!!!!!!!! The Dr. UnMcDreamy couldn't figure it out, explained he'd given my nerve a huge space to be free, surgery went great, here are some pain meds and lets wait it out a bit. Morphine every 2 hours. Bringing the pain down from 10 to 9.5. 12 hours goes by. Dr. UNM comes to me again (this is the next day btw) saying maybe we can try giving you steroids to bring down inflammation cuz your nerve is "freaking out" and stuff. 12 more hours goes by. This is how happy I am feeling now:
I wouldn't recommend clicking to enlarge that pic. Don't blame me if you get some throw up come up in your mouth a little. You've been warned. Dr decides we'd better figure this out. Order x-rays, MRI, and new pain meds. Something called "dilaudid" every two hours. It brings me from a 10 down to a 7 for about an hour. It's an improvement, right?

PS. "dilaudid" is what killed this guy:
RIP MJ. R. I. P.

12 more hours goes by. Dr NONMcDreamyInTheI'mSeriousHe'sNotCuteSortOfWay comes in the morning to tell me that, guess what?, there IS something pinching my nerve still. Absofreakinlutely, and congratufreakinlations that you figured that out doc. You can feel that my patience was wearing thin at this time and I know you won't hold that against me either. He books an OR and has to take me in for surgery #2, open me up all the way, and find out what's going on.

I came out of surgery #2 saying things like, "He did it! He did it! Hallelujah! Give me some ice chips!" and things of that nature. It's a shame those things can't be recorded really, I'm sure I'd be a hit on YouTube instantly. Pain free is what I'm telling you. I was ecstatic. The DrNotHot came back to see me and explains what happened. My herniated disc had actually been there so long that it had calcified. So when he went in through his tiny hole he thought it was my bone. Oh and also I have a malformed sacrum in case you were wondering. So my nerve had been being pinched after the first surgery by bone instead of by softer disc material, hence my increase in pain. Splendid. And no one is surprised by this either. I'm weird. The End.

I stayed one more night in the hospital and they released me the next day. I went off all pain medications after the first surgery cold turkey, like an idiot, without thinking. My 1 day stay in the hospital had turned into 4 days and I couldn't get home to my kids fast enough. Little did I know (and no doc or nurse told me) that for the next 48 hours I would be having withdrawls and detoxing from those drugs they'd been giving me every two hours. That was.............um...........torture. I thought I was losing my mind until I talked to my brother and he explained that the skin crawling and panic attacks were prolly due to my detox and not just cuz I'd be put up in a mental institution any time soon. Imagine my relief right? It's like I know what those celebrities go through on Dr. Drew.

So, now I am doing a lot of this these days:
I mean, without the desert or the shoes. And not the hat either. And most of the time jammies or yoga pants but you get the idea. Luckily, I have some pretty amazing friends, and family that have helped out with food, treats, flowers, cards, kids, driving, lifting shopping bags, homemade t-shirts, gift packages with magazines and dark chocolate, etc.

That being said I can drive myself, shower myself, walk anywhere I need to, etc. I just have less energy to do it. Oh and I can't lift, bend or twist or gym for 2 months. ::sigh:: But I have some cool old people grabber things that help me pick up stuff. And I have three boy slaves to pitch it more around here. And I have an awes hubby who is doing it all and THEN some.

So there we go. Aren't you glad you came over here today?

::making phew sign on forehead::

I'm totally popular you gize

K, so soon to come I plan on telling my story of double surgery last
week and stuff. I'll have you laughing. I'll have you crying. I'll
have you feeling a little barf coming up your throat. But until I can
get to that I thought you should see my new garden.

WARNING!!!--the most picture heavy miscellaneous post EVER.

Get your scrolly wrist braces ready!

NUMBER ONE--BAND CONCERTS

Brains has been playing the trumpet for 3 years now in the school band. He's really good at it but he's starting to lose interest. It's that darn practicing that gets in the way and stuff. Can you guess why he has embraced the nickname "unicorn boy" at school?

NUMBER TWO--STUDENT OF THE MONTH

Cracker's big day came last week at the monthly awards ceremony. He was beyond excited about it. You can't really tell by his face in these pics but.....just trust me.

And, as usual, AV came to cheer him on and show her love. Check out baby Clara in the background.

NUMBER THREE--KINDERGARTEN EASTER PARTY

Look, I don't care who you are, if you don't think 5 yr olds+easter=cuteness overload than you are dead in side. To the core.

His teacher had them all line up on the side of the playground and when she said "go" it was time to HOP over to find the eggs. Char Char obviously thought she said HIP HOP cuz he started busting his moves. Fer rizzles.

It was a genius idea to have the eggs marked with the kids names on them. So, they couldn't pick up just any old egg. They could only collect the ones with their names. Char was on the spot about that little detail.

Success!! He found all 12 with his name you gize. Yay he'll get to move on to 1st grade next year!!

NUMBER FOUR--WHERE I LIVE ISN'T AS UGLY AS YOU THINK

On our way to LA last weekend we stopped just outside of town in these wildflower fields. They only bloom for about 3 weeks out of the year. I'm not kidding you when I say it was breathtaking.

NUMBER FIVE--THE KIDS GOT TO iFLY IT UP TOO!!

As part of our spring break fun we let the kids have a go at simulated sky diving like we did HERE. It was so hilar to watch them!! I almost peed myself a couple of times.

Here is Brains with his "tough" look. I'll let you decide if he pulled it off or not.



Cracker sweeting it up.

Char Char had the FUNNIEST look on his face through the whole process. At one point in the video training portion he raised his hand to ask when they get to jump out of the airplane.

Onnacuzza my back issues I was a spectator this time. But Shed got to do the whole shebang with them. How flattering are those jumpsuits?!

Char discussing the situation with Shed before heading into the tube. I obviously need to attend the next class on "How to take a picture at night through two layers of plexiglass". Let me know if you hear of one.

Brains was a natural. I'm crossing my fingers he doesn't get any ideas on doing it fer realz anytime in the future.

Going up!

This is my fave picture of the bunch. Please click on that and take a good look at Cracker's cheeks!!

And my itty bitty baby boy!!

I'm lollerzing just looking at these all over again. Srsly, I was laughing the whole time and the people around me were giving me strange looks.

Of course, it coulda been from the heavy painkillers I'm on too but that's another story.

Which leads me to this:

NUMBER SIX--I'M HAVING BACK SURGERY NEXT WEEK

I'm soooo grateful for narcotics like these btw.



The short story is this: I've had back issues on and off for the last 15 years. Sometimes in bed for a week, sometimes just hurting for a few days. This time it's been going on for 7 months, progressively getting worse. Anyhoo, before anyone comments on here "have you tried chiropractic?" or "what about physical therapy?" etc., let me assure you I've done it ALL. Nothing has worked. It's either this or become a lifelong narcotics user. And even then, I can't sleep well or exercise. But still,....YAY for drugs!! I couldn't have lived without them for the last 3 weeks. So, I'm hoping that my own personal Dr. McDreamy (neurosurgeon, who is unfortunately NOT dreamy in any way..::sigh::) will let me wear a cute hospital gown for the big day. Do you think pink bears is better or should I go with blue flowers? I'll take some pics of my glamorous experience and maybe even catch up on some reading and TV time. Good news is that I've been given a 95% success rate on fixing the pain. And I should be up walking around the next day. But no gym. For a month. Which is fine cuz I'll just get out my sweat/yoga pants with elastic waists. No one will even be able to tell!