I've got it. Which hospital gown better accentuates your features? How to sneak sips of Diet soda to the patient without the nurses looking? Which buttons on the bed help change the TV channel instead of call the nurse?
You have questions and I've got answers. AskMemzy is here -- though not exactly responsible for her advice this week. I'll do my best. Before you are totally confused by this post let me tell you a quick story of what happened last weekend that some of you may not know:
My dad had an accident. He was by himself in Sears and decided to go downstairs to visit a man he home teaches. He tried to get on the escalator and lost his balance. The railing is really low and since he can't brace himself with his arms, his body weight propelled him over the edge of the escalator railing and down to the floor below. He fell 23 feet and landed on his left side. He fractured his pelvis and broke his elbow. It is a miracle he didn't land on his head or have any paralysis of any kind. He has spent the whole weekend at KMC awaiting surgery on his arm, which he finally had today.
Sooo, ALS BLOWS.
Good advice #1: Even if the nurses/doctors say the patient can't have anything to drink--you can make it happen. Smuggle in a can of diet coke in your purse (along with bendy straw cuz he can't sit up fer duh). When there is a lot of noise on the other side of the curtains open up the can so they won't hear the captivating sound of carbonation. Hold straw to patients mouth for sips and then hide the can strategically behind the wheel of the cart. They will never know.
Good advice #2: The black button is for changing the channel. The big RED button is for the nurses. But if one gets accidentally pushed just pretend you don't know what she is talking about.
Good advice #3: Take lots of pictures. Because that "morphine glow" cannot be replicated in real life. Capture that moment while you can.
Now it's your turn. Hit me with it. You never know...I might nail it this week.
25 comments:
I'm so sorry about your dad's accident. It sounds AWFUL!! I hope that his recovery is quick. Hospital stays are always the worst. It seems like the nurses are always busy when you do push the right button, and then just when you fall asleep in those comfy beds, they get unbusy and head right in to take your blood pressure, etc . . . I'll keep your dad in my prayers.
I can totally see you pretending that the button didn't get pushed. "Oh hi? No. Sorry." Then you look at her all weird and and the nurse thinks she is crazy, not you.
Dear Memzy,
1. How do you thank a daughter who is a ray of sunshine every day? How do you let her know you'd be a pile of junk without her support and her yummy boys? Any suggestions?
2. How do you erase from your memory the homeless/scarey/stinky guy in the other bed who walks around with his gown flapping in the breaze asking, "nurse--I need a cigarette"?
I feel so sad for your Dad. I hope he is able to recover well. Send him a diet coke from me too.
So for my question. How do I get motivated to do ANYTHING after spending a week away from the fam and over-eating? I need exercise and a cleaning fairy ASAP.
Glad to hear your dad is alright. I'm sure he's thankful to have a daughter like you to lift his spirits. And I'm glad to know I'm not the only one that breaks rules at hospitals. I think my best caper was getting mocha almond fudge icecream into my grandmas hospital room. I swear it's a healing formula. I had to do it. As for escalators, they will be the end of me. Saturday in Sears Spencer drops a small toy and as the stair part ends he reaches to get it. I about had a heart attack envisioning his fingers getting ripped off right there. I lost a few years.
I can't stop thinking about your poor Dad (and Mom). You are such an awesome daughter--sneaking in Diet Coke and just being so supportive.
I'll spare you the questions since I know you don't really have the time for my petty inquiries. Next week though, I'm gonna hammer you with them!
Allright, I knew I liked your family!! Who got it right and named their kid Liesl? They even spelled it right!! You guys rock!!
Liesl!!!(until recently, the one and only).
A friend of mine has a sister who is planning a big party and has asked for donations. How much money should he send? An unacceptable answer is "whatever he/she can afford", 'cause that would be nada.
How does one only get a 9.5 from the judges for falling 23 feet? I'm sorry but not pointing your toes is a cop out.(giggle)Love you
I"m with you on that one Markie.
Needing some advice . . . I "let" my son have M&Ms with his breakfast one day last week. [I know, but it was his birthday!] Now he thinks that is a normal breakfast food (ie. I want M&Ms in my cereal bowl). What's the best way to discourage this behavior?
Signed,
Too much Halloween Candy already
Your poor parents! I hope your dad is doing well today. Your mom's so positive and funny. I virtually like her a lot!
So, should I even ask my lame question today? You know what it is: What should I blog about today? (that's two questions)
So...can he still count that as dropping by for home teaching? Sorry...that was bad. We love you guys! Get well soon Bishop!
I don't want to bother you with a question right now either BUUUUUT, if I did have a question it would be:
How does one go about getting someone fired from a volunteer position?
We can hash that one out in person too if you want.
Love ya!
I think your dad will make a miraculously quick recovery and he can thank the diet coke for that. It has magical healing powers.
I have loads of questions, but I have decided to just ask them ALL this weekend! So you might want to brush up on your 90's trivia knowledge.
K, I have like 4.7 seconds between the hospital and my kids parent teaacher conferences. So I will get back to your questions later because my dad is coming home from the hospital today. Saweet!
Be back later.
Wow, that sounds terrible.
I think Diet Coke is something that could make me feel better also.
Best wishes to your dad for a speedy and not to painfull recovery.
Emily, I'm so sorry about your dad. Kelley just had a fall too and fractured his pelvis as well. I hope he gets feeling better, I know its going to be a long healing process.
Mom-- 1. I think she knows. Don't worry about it. SRSLY. 2. Don't try to erase it from you mind. Embrace it and recall it whenever you need a good laugh. And try to draw us a picture cuz that would be funny.
Annie-- Call 1-800-FAIERY for the house cleaning. They also give good testimonies. And as far as motivation is concerned...hm,....er,..yeeah I got nothin.
MarkieMark and sam/shel,etc.-- Obviously the amount of money you give is directly proportional to the love you have sooooo.....::giggle snicker snort::
Br boys--I have no idea and so therefore do not have an answer for you. He should have been given a 10.0 obviously. I've already contacted the olympic judges and stuff.
Too much Halloween candy--my personal opinion is to switch to DARK chocolate M&M's. Then he will get those antioxidants that he needs with his Frosty Flakes.
Jenny ESP--It might be too late for a suggestion. But if not, I would like to see you blog about what kinda Christmas traditions you and your little fam have over there in LV.
Landee-- I think constant harrassment might discourage said person to quit from volunteer position. We can discuss that in person as well.
And thanks to everyone else for your nice comments and well wishes for Uncle Visor. He's way cute and stuff so I'll pass them along.
Does an accident like that really happen in real life? I cannot even imagine. I hope all is well!
Just wanted to send my best wishes for your dad's speedy recovery, too. Sounds like a nightmare experience for all involved!
Oh my gosh. How scary. I'm so sorry- both that he fell and was injured, and that he is all the way over at KMC. Keep us updated on his recovery.
Okay, so I can't believe that happened to your dad. I keep thinking about it in my mind and that I hate ALS too maybe as much as I hate Cancer. As for my next half-marathon I'm signing you up but don't worry it won't be anytime soon-I'm getting an MRI done next week-probably a stress fracture.
Wow, I have missed a lot. I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I hope he makes a speedy recovery. I do have a question. What do you do if you have a neighbor keeps bringing you tasty cookies, and you are trying to go on a diet? I think she might be trying to sabotage.
Oh, just so you know, my mom told me that the sores on my grandpa's legs wouldn't heal because of his pepsi addiction. She is pretty sure he died from it. I am sure it had nothing to do with him being 96 years old.
Man, I've been out of the loop. I'm sorry about your Dad's accident. I'm glad he's home now... and I'm glad for blogs so that I know about this so I can remember your fam in my prayers...
love you.
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