Tuesday, September 29, 2009

TUNE IN TUESDAY -- or "Coming out of the closet (pantry)"

This post could also be titled "I got a part time job!" or "You gize aren't gonna believe this" or even "What was I THINKING!". You see I'm just going to cut right to the advice this week. No beating around the bush.

Good Advice#1: USE. COUPONS. I know what you're thinking. Cuz I used to think the same things too. Why would I waste my time and energy on finding/cutting/clipping coupons when I can just go to the store and buy the generic brand for less? OR It just makes people buy stuff that they normally wouldn't buy otherwise, hence spending MORE money. OR my favorite Coupons are for nerds. I've asked myself those same things for years now. Turns out.....I am a nerd. I’m just being honest here. I feel it’s important at this stage in our relationship.

Long story longish--Shed has local business owners once a week on his radio show. About a month back he had this loverly lady on who has a little internet business being a coupon guru. Started in our humble little town of Bake-O and is now having brazillions of hits every month all over the country. Shed comes home telling me about how amazing this concept was, how much money this lady saved, how she was having a seminar for other mommy-nerds in town a couple weeks from then, blah, blah, blah. I did what I always do...balk at the idea of coupons, and in fact, get offended at such a ridiculous idea, since I am such a good keeper of our budget and stuff. Reasonable right? I made faces, arguments and the like. Cut to a few days later and I'm secretly coupon shopping. It only took me one transaction at Target to see those minuses coming off the register and I was hooked.

So, now my pantry looks a little like this:

And something like this:

And not a single item there cost me more than $1. Most of them more like $.50. So, I proceed to sign up for said seminar and, in the meantime, lo and behold my other "couponers" are appearing!! JennyESP turns out, is an avid couponer. Maybe she had mentioned before but I failed to take note since that wasn't in my vocabulary. She's now not only my cousin-by-marriage and eBFF but now she is also my cBFF (coupon BFF). I'm filing for full custody of her as my blood sister first thing tomorrow. She introduced me to this Krazy Coupon Lady who has a whole coupons database in there!!

Bottom line, if you do it right you get stuff so cheap you wanna cry or stuff like this for F-R-E-E.


You know, now that I mention it. Not only did I get this stuff for free but they paid me $1.50 for that lotion, $.75 for that toothbrush, and $1.oo for that razor. (Note that I've marked these things with a sharpee. I don't wanna take for granted my skillz as I'm lathering my skin with lotion. I want to remember it always.) I felt like I should really take it off their hands. It's like stealing! But instead of shame and possible jail time you get to keep your temple rec!! I'll admit it, the money saved is good. It's really good. But the "game" or "sticking it to the man" is really what floats my boat. My sailboat full of food.

Good Advice #2: Sign up for, or contribute money to, the Defeat ALS Walk for this upcoming Saturday!! Uncle Visor will be too cute to miss in his wheelchair of fire and Diet Beverage hat that looks something like this. <<<that part might not be true but it's worth a shot suggesting it to my dad right? Anyway, even a few bucks would be awes. They haven't met their goal yet. Plus, it would be really sweet if we could find a cure so other totally cool families like mine didn't have to go through this crappy disease. Plus, I'd like to secure my status as their favorite kid. Which isn't really a secret, I mean, everybody knows that. And don't forget my mom (Aunt Visor) will be passing out T-shirts. It's time to diem the carpe you gize.

Now that you are sufficiently exhausted, it's your turn to ask me stuff. Lay it on me cuz I've gained 10 IQ points this week already.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


I know stuff. You don't know as much stuff as I know. Plain and simple. That's why you come to me for advice. That's why I'm here to give it. Don't you wish so many other things in life were that simple?

GOOD ADVICE #1: Don't throw out tiny toddler toys when your kids growed up. Even when your husband thinks you should give them away when you move into a new house 6 months ago. Even tho your youngest child is 5 and in Kindergarten. Because, one day.....when you are helping your 11 yr old with homework, trying to fix dinner, writing out a grocery list because you don't have the ingredient for dinner you thought you had, answering a phone call, and texting a friend (ahem....YOU) all at the same time......you will suddenly realize that your loud, energetic, often very-demanding-of-attention child will be doing this:

......and, in fact, has been doing it for almost 45 minutes.....quietly......

It's worth it you gize. Totally. Worth it.

: Please, I'm begging you, do NOT put a "humorous" bumper sticker or license plate cover on your car. B.E.G.G.I.N.G. I can appreciate someone who has such extreme confidence in her looks and attitude. Self confidence is such a wonderful thing, is it not? But I don't want you to tell me about it while I'm waiting for a green in the turn lane to the tune of "Chick with an attitude!" or "Always late but worth the wait". Or, even one of my top most annoying moving-vehicle literature reads of all time....."49% b****, 51% sweetheart". ::long pause for effect:: Is that girl serious?! Cuz nothing says "I wanna be friends with you" or "I wanna ask you out on a date" like that one. Being a non-crafter myself (though I'm working on that as seen in my last T.I.T), I have a great admiration from afar for those who do craft. But nothing makes me want to run away from a glue stick and decorative scissors more than "I brake for bead stores!". Today, I was driving down the road, minding my own business, listening to Michael Jackson "PYT" (no one can resist the p.y.t.) on my Rhapsody iPhone app , when I'm cut off by a massive SUV. On the rear window of this SUV is a gigantonormous bumper sticker with the words "Body piercing saved my life". This did not strike me as surprising necessarily after I was cut off by such a car I figgered it had to be a hooligan who has tattoos and body piercings galore. (Cuz we all know that people with that kinda stuff do bad things like smoke pot, steal from convenience stores and cut people off on the road. ::wink::). But upon further inspection I realized that above the words is an illustration showing an arm and hand, through which a large nail has been "pierced" through the wrist, blood dripping down. Aaaaaah. I get it now. Don't do it people. Resist the urge. No matter how witty or clever or socially impactful that bumper sticker or license plate cover may seem---You'll regret it. And I will be pulling out of the Sonic drive through in my sticker-free mini-van saying...."I TOLD YOU SO".

Now it's your turn. Let me at 'em.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Not to brag or anything

But...........I WON, I WON, I WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some of you may not be aware that I was recently in a very important, very NON-nerdy contest. See the details HERE. But the gist is that the Hunger Games book/series is one of the best of all time. And to celebrate it we made and decorated cakes in an online contest. For those of you that actually click on that link above, my cake was "The Death of Rue".
The winner of the contest got this coveted Hunger Games apron. There was an unexpected craze to claim a winner as you can find out HERE. And since I don't have an actual famous internet friend, OR know how to vote using multiple proxy networks, it was an honor to receive such a prize and title (it was a tie for first with Aunt Michelle and her wonderful parachute cake), considering the final votes were cast by my fellow cake makers.

I intend to don this beautiful apron doing more than just cooking, mind you. I didn't put all of my emotional health on hold for three days of caking and voting for nothing. Eeeeeek!

Besides, I'd like to protect my 3 year old faded clothes from the likes of a possible dropped mascara wand, drip of Diet Coke while reading, or dirt from the garden. (ps. check out my pumpkin!)

Besides the usual cooking splatters that may happen, I just feel good texting with my apron on. It just feel right.

Like, I've been waiting my whole life for this gorgeous apron. I'm not going to waste one second of it.

Even while I'm watching TV.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

It hurts! Make it stop!

Motherhood has it's share of hardships. Beginning with the aches and pains of pregnancy. Sleepless nights. Don't even get me started on child birth and NON-working epidurals. Then, more often than not, the pains become emotional. Worry for the sickness and sniffles that your children endure. Are they happy and growing and thriving? Do they have friends at school? Are they growing up to hopefully one day be thriving and productive adults?

But I have never prepared myself for this. Many months of headaches brought us to realize, through the wonderful technology of modern day medicine (or just a standard eye screening at the Dr's office where an "A" was read aloud as an "O") that somebody might need a little help in the optical/visual department.

This is where the physical pain comes in for me. Nevermind that he hadn't had a "well-kid" checkup in two years. That didn't cause me the heartache (Tho I could be reasonably embarrassed by that fact. But why should I? Instead we should be celebrating his health and general UN-need for a Dr visit!). And not because he had been complaining of headaches for months. But because of this:

The cuteness pains me.

Nevermind he looks e.x.a.c.t.l.y. like his daddy who wears glasses. (pics to come later of Pete & Repeat)

How can I endure this daily pain of adorableness?

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


I'm out there pounding the pavement (between my car and the grocery store) for you gize every day. I get out to the streets and mix it up among the real people (you know, kids in the neighborhood, the drive-thru checker at the Sonic window, the occasional mom-of-a-classmate from school) of the world. I seek out (you know, perusing the internet, watching Entertainment Tonight, even the local newspaper) the newest and most pertinent information. So, it is no surprise that you come to me to answer your very important questions.

As this week begins, with no less than a high of 83 today in Bake-town (hollah!! I might even wear j-e-a-n-s), I come to you with a couple tid bits of my own to start us off right.

Good Advice #1: When you become a singer/songwriter/pop star (like I will totally be one day after I finish raising my kids, learn how to play the guitar, then learn how to write songs, and get an awesome manager, then............er......you get the idea) you need to NOT act like Kanye West and YES, VERY DO act like Taylor Swift and Beyonce.

It's like Kanye just stepped on a little kitten, or punched a baby seal in the face. The best part about this is how Beyonce pulls up "class act" later on in the night.

So, in review, when I become a big pop star I'm gonna tell Kanye where to go. And Taylor and Beyonce are gonna be my BFF's. Will you gize buy my album?

Good Advice #2: Farts are funny. Accept it. Embrace it. I live with three boys and one grown man. I shouldn't really have to say more.

K your turn!!! I'm ready.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

TUNE IN TUESDAY!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, it's true you gize. TIT is officially, finally, and pretty awesomely B-A-C-K.

Through these last few months of taking time off from my advice giving career I've had time to regroup, re-invest in my "girlfriends" relationships, cook little to no real life food, live a large portion of the day in my swimsuit (thanks to "people with pools"), and basically build up even MORE smarts than I already had. If that's even possible.

It's like when Patrick Dempsey fell out of the spotlight from teen star in the 80's,.....took a break....gained some smarts.....and then BAM-------Dr. McDreamy. It's a necessary hiatus for the fans. And then we hit you with our best "hot doctor" that we can. Er. You get the picture.

I am going for whelming you here (as opposed to overwhelm you). I don't want your brains to completely overload and look like the pile of water logged Lucky Charms that I just found in my sink last night. Let's take it nice and slow, shall we?

Good Advice #1: Never underestimate the power of hot glue. Me and the hot glue gun have sort of been on the "outs" for years now. Due to my lack of crafting desire and general UN-need for the stuff since moving into the late 2000's and all, I even lost track of where my glue gun was located. Thanks to the move into our new house, which forced me to reorganize my life, and the soft spot in my heart for that tiny blue plug-in contraption...............I gazed once again into the eyes of my old friend and said, "lets start over...my name is Memzy and I'd be glad to hang out with you once in awhile if you are open to it". What do you gize think happened? That messy little glue gun jumped for joy and there you have it--friends again. From re-applying the plastic head of a transformer that isn't supposed to be transformed, to creating a no-sew (all but the hem which Aunt Visor so graciously did for me) soccer banner for the Volcanoes (pics to come soon), to "sewing" on the patches to my boys cub scout uniforms (waiting for the gasps from the crowd and making the "shhhh" motion with my finger),............there really isn't anything that glue gun can't do. So I implore all of you to find that glue gun, take it out, set it on the kitchen counter, plug it in and then apologize profusely for your neglect. Basically just keep it there cuz you'll find all new ways to use it you haven't even dreamed of.

Good Advice #2: Crystal Light totally counts as your water intake for the day. Aside from my bottle of water I chug whilst at the gym in the morning, I basically hate drinking water. Unless I'm hot and sweaty and burning calories the stuff just doesn't do much for me. But due to my love affair with Diet brown beverages over the last few years, I've struggled quite a bit on getting my "healthy" amount of water each day. Some of you may say, "Why Memzy, how on earth can you drink anything but clear liquids without artificial sweeteners in them?" ::giving Flem the don't even go there face:: My own husband can't stand drinking anything but water. It's a miracle we still like each other and stuff. But I digress. I've just come to know myself. This is who I am. I am an UNlover of water. In order to maintain my healthy balance I've found a solution. Crystal Light Strawberry Lemonade. It's practically a huge glass of water just with a little bit of flavor to make the swallowing more tolerable. So drink up to Crystal Light my friends. The water of the future!

Now I am pretty much wondering how you all have survived the summer without my advice. So let's just cut to it straight away. What can I do you for?

Thursday, September 03, 2009

Midgets in skirts

Not THOSE kinds of midgets!! Geez.
So I'm convinced that a in large part our children are here to entertain us. Sure, we feed them, change their diapers, clothe them, do their laundry, bandage their boo-boo's. But it's all worth it when we can get a nice deep from-the-lower-abs laugh because of them every once in awhile, right? They call this s-o-c-c-e-r here. But I propose we rename it "Goofball's Guffawing". Or maybe you prefer "Dancers Dilly Dallying". Or how about "Noodle head's Nerd balling".

I like that one. I have a soft spot for Nerds.

Char Char is displaying this skill with such ease it's unbelievable that he hasn't been trained his entire life.
And believe it or not this is his FIRST YEAR. ::waiting for gasp of shock::

Wait a minute, I think we might actually catch a glimpse of the his knees.

Mmmmm,....nope. But he is about to catch flight.

Right on over for an unauthorized water break. But someone so "goofball"-ish as this cannot be expected to act otherwise.

I love that little Nerdball.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

My life depends on it

K gize. All you friends and lurkers out there.... I need you. There's
been a contest of sorts. A Hunger Games cake contest. And I need you
to go to http://ajesplin.blogspot.com to vote for the winning cake.
Mine is the best and the best is always the purest and pure means
white and flowery. ::hinting hinting::

Go vote cuz I need that apron and mostly I need the glory.

Sent from my RAD iPhone

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

It's a good day

I'm gonna be a little busy.

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