K, so after many hours on the phone with the "people" yesterday my compy is still un-well. But here's the thing....it is my Internet connection you gize. Those DSL dorks don't know how intolerable this is!! So, sometime today between 12 and 4pm (lame sauce) they are gonna come and give it some compy medicine or something. I am typing this from the local library! What has this world come to?
Now on to the real important stuff:
I know things. Big things. Little things. Important things. Not-so-much-that-it-matters things. Either way, I gotcha covered. Cuz with that stuff I know, I turn around and give it right back as advice. I'm a giver you gize.
Good advice #1: Don't EVER let your sweet, funny, adorable, smawt, super hawtest hubby in the universe go out of town for a mancation the week the Internet decides to come down with the flu. Bad idea. If you don't get super really grouchy the first day, you will fer rizzles start twitching from blogger withdrawals the second day. Then everyone at the grocery store will ask you if you need to take some epilepsy meds to which you will respond, "I'm not CRAZY!!!" and run away down the produce aisle with a half eaten box of Lucky Charms. What? You got something to say?
Good advice #2: Chuck E Cheese is a perfectly acceptable form of "taking care of dinner AND family home evening" all at once while you are having your single mom-ness week. It works well and you can totally integrate gospel subjects at the ticket counter while you pick out your toys. (Not unlike using Twilight analogies to teach YW's or gospel doctrine lessons--there's so many similarities you gize). 125 tickets on the color wheel game!!!!!!! Hollah!
Good advice #3: Soda (or POP as some of you call it) definitely has an expiration date. Did you gize not KNOW that? If you let it sit in your cupboard for, er, .......like 3 months cuz it's not your favorite kind of soda to drink from home (whole other post--certain soda to drink at home, certain soda to drink while out from the fountains, and no I don't need to see a shrink) it WILL taste reesty. Is that how you spell reesty? <--Landee or Queso help me out on that one. Follow the guidelines for expiration dates. My personal advice is to drink at least a couple of cans a day and it will never go bad. That's what I do and I'm awesome sooooo.
Now it is your turn. But please be patient cuz that dood from the Internet-doctor-place might not fix it right if I'm screaming at him, "I have ADVICE to give today!!! Hustle it UP!!" Right? That is so un-mature making.
16 comments:
Wow, it pays to wake up early. I am the first one to leave a comment on your blog. Probably the first one to get your advice. I am already using it. So thanks. And good luck getting your computer fixed. I am embarrased for you that you go to the library to use the computer there. Maybe wear sunglasses next time. You know, keep a low profile.
You are so dedicated! Ok, this Ask Memzy post is my fave I think.
Dear Ask Memzy,
How does a girl who was born and raised in Calif cope with frigid air for 3 months at a time?
Sincerely,
cold in Utah
Dear AskMemzy,
I went to Old Navy a while ago and bought a substantial amount of goods (both boys needed all new jeans, shirts, etc.. plus myself & the Beebs... well, it adds up) and so when they asked if I wanted to sign up for one of their cards to save 10% I was actually gonna save a fair amount of money this time. But, I declined saying my hubby likes to get the "points/credits" on our regular credit card. The girl then says I can pay off my ON card with my other credit card, so I save 10% PLUS get my points. No brainer!
Yeah, she lied.
My question is... can I go beat her up?
Silent but Violent in Denver
Dear AskMemzy,
Do you know where the Old Navy store in Denver is. I hear there's going to be a cat fight there. Reeaarrrr
Dear AskMemzy,
I've heard that it's customary to put a question mark at the end of a question. Is that true.
Dear AskMemzy,
Why can't I quit you?
Sincerely,
BrokebackComputer
Dear Memzy,
So if you're teaching a gospel doctrine lesson and the subject of vengeance comes up (Mormon 3), is it wrong to share the most relavant example of revenge? Obviously, it is from my favorite real story when Victoria attempts to avenge James' death. (Only the "bad" vampires would be so set on revenge and not even trying to CTR!) I ran out of time and didn't get to use the analogy, but I worry that I withheld the spirit from the lesson. I'm fasting and praying, but obviously need your help - I wouldn't want to get released or something.
Signed, Hungry Sunday School Teacher :D
Well, for my sake I hope your computer gets fixed asap cuz I have a couple important questions.
1. Tonight I am going to a "service swap" and I need to wrap up a piece of paper with the service I will be rendering. I need some ideas here. You know, not the usual babysitting or batch of cookies ideas. Seriously now.
2. The best inlaws in the world just left and I'm left with a sad, empty feeling. How can I snap out of this gloom without opening a can of diet coke or going out shopping?
How embarrassing! My sister finally gets the nerve to leave a comment then forgets a question! What is she doing at 5:30 in the am anyways? That is only one of my questions.
Why did this particular doctor choose to send me a bill now for a visit six months ago? Is he trying to ruin my Christmas?
I learned about soda going bad by buying more each week and not rotating the cases. Unfortunately, I was desperate and drank my nasty diet coke anyhow.
I had when the internet goes down. Those are bad days. I can feel your pain.
EmilyKatie'sSis-- As long as you are using my advice I'm happy. Next time I will try the sunglasses. Or a cape.
Cold in Utah--Get an electronic jacket made of future-ish materials that has a thermometer in it that you can turn up or down as needed. You might need to read the Uglies sequel called "The Pretties" to understand all that. Plus, you might have to actually get the operation to live in New Pretty town. But according to my calculations that is totally possible.
Silent but Violent--Doyee. You can obviously go beat her up. But when you do wear some sort of hair piece or wig that makes you look like someone else so they don't get you karatay chopping that lametards head on the security cam. It's all in the details.
Markie--I'm sure I can google the store location. But if you go make sure to video tape it for us. And look for the tiny girl with a hair piece and wicked karatay moves. And question marks are overrated.
Brokeback Computer-- It's impossible to quit. Don't even try.
Hungry Sunday School Teacher-- OBVIOUSLY let those analogies rip. I was waiting on the edge of my seat (sort of like how Edward was on the edge of his that first day in biology class) the whole lesson waiting for the example of James and Victoria to come. I was ready to shoot up my hand and comment on the scriptural relevance that Twilight has. It really woulda been your best chance considering the whole bishopric was outta town, right?
EmilymySIL-- 1. The service you should give is to provide a 6 month supply of toilet paper. Cuz everybody needs it and no one wants to buy it. Imagine that stuff showing up on your doorstep every month? Right? 2. You ask that question as if there is a better way to get out of a depression than shopping or diet coke? ::sigh:: Try getting one of those happy pills from Jenny.
Katie-- I'm pretty sure it is in the doctor's code or something to ruin peoples holidays with big bills. They have to take and oath and stuff. My brother is a doctor so I know.
Vegas fam-- Right? Right?
Dear Memzy, what is the appropriate punishment for the contracted bug killer guy who was sposed to come today at 9:00 A.M. and kill the ants in my cupboard and didn't show up? OK, I called and he had a family emergency. OK, OK--is there no alternate bug guy who could come? The alternate guy is coming tomorrow? OK, OK. I'm OK. Is a whole can of RAID in the cupboard toxic to humans living in the same house? Gotta get out. Love you
P.S. Seriously--at the public library at 12:01 A.M. I'm pretty sure that's against the rules. You know the garage code--come over to our house silly.
Memzy,
How come I'm still having questions about this Fitness Challenge? Maybe I need to be enrolling myself in some remedial math class down at the community college, 4realz. Wait I just used a the number 4 in place of the real thing. Maybe I need a remedial class in grammer. Be expecting a call tonight.
Anxious Annie
Mom-- You just tell him your daughter is coming over to give him some "Edward vs. James" action. If he doesn't know about Twilight then he needs to be hurt anyways. And remind me to tell you about a little thing called "post options" next time I'm over there. I was NOT at the library at midnight. I was safe in my bed re-reading Twilight.
AnxiousAnnie--Don't freak out. You'll get it. It was confusing to me the first couple of weeks too. Then it all falls into place.
So much wisdom... Sorry I missed you this week but I'll be working real hard this week to think of a great question fir next week. Hope you got your computer up. I hate it when they tell you they'll be there at a certain time. They're either hours late or don't even bother showing up at all. Anyway, next week then.
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