There isn't much I won't do for my internet peeps. And because of that (and because I know so much stuff), I have wisely decided to take a break from AskMemzy/Tune In Tuesday for a while. You peeps are getting too overwhelmed with good information. I feel like I need to lay off for a bit. Let you "practice" what I've preached. Obviously you will be printing out all previous posts (if you haven't already) and keep them in a handy-dandy binder to refer to. I'm thinking once a month over the summer should be sufficient for me to indoctrinate you with my knowledge. But let me leave you with one last post to tide you over.
Good Advice #1: TV is educational. Fact. I just so happen to know exactly how they make crayons in the factories from How It's Made. I can also tell you the most calming color to paint your bedroom (it's blue) from Trading Spaces and the swiftness in which infection can spread by the hands thanks to a clever episode of Scrubs awhile back (and you don't really wanna know that one). Just the other day my 4 1/2 year old gives me a math problem. "Mom, if #1 is pee, and #2 is poo, then #3 is both at the same time. Get it? Cuz one plus two equals three." Lollerz. Soooper smart that one. And all thanks to Sesame Street. To top that off he learned from Ni Hao Kai-lan how to calm down when you are angry or upset. That came at a very inopportune time for my 10 year old, who was frustrated with his chores and had to listen to Char Char sing "calm.....calm....down" to him from the kitchen. In short--TV is awesome. Use it.
Good Advice #2: Mantras are what mothers made up to psyche themselves out. For example: School is almost out. Summer is coming. Kids home all day. "Don't panic. You can double up your Diet soda intake." <--my mantra I say daily into the mirror. Another example: Newly mopped floor. Spent an hour scrubbing half the house cuz so much is tile. Just put the mop away. Middle kid spills his chocolate milk right in the middle of my kitchen. mantra--"It's only milk. I should not hurt my child. It can be cleaned up. My child deserves to live." One more: Food is delish. Can't stop baking......or grabbing snacks every time I walk through the kitchen....or eating out with girlfriends. mantra--"My hiney is not actually that big. My mirror is actually a funny mirror...like the ones in the carnivals. I am actually totally skinny. My hiney is not that big." See? It works. Try it out.
K you gize. I'm here for you. Until next month. So make it count.
16 comments:
Am I the 1st to comment on you last TIT post? So sad to read your hanging up your advice apron for awhile. Even though I rarely leave a comment believe you me I always "Tune In".
Now for my last request for advice. How am I going to consloe my kids when we tell them we have to give away our dog we have had for almost 2 years and is posed in all our family pics. I even am feeling like I may need some therapy. I know you can relate...
EW that is a sad question!
How about this one: How do I keep my house quiet when I have a conference call right when my kids get home from school (and husband is out of town?)
My kids think #3 is diahrrea! I don't know where that got that one from!
Love the podcast!
Advice request: Is there a way to keep from gagging or acting grossed out when you are cleaning up your child's throwup? Do good mothers act like they are having fun while wiping it off the carpet and pillowcase?
Today is definatly a sad day. I must go find some kleenex. I will be sure to watch for your monthly posts. I have much to learn O wise and powerful Memzy.
Actually I was only whelmed by your advice.
My question: What "number" is puke?
Annie--so good to know you "tune in". Now, wait...you are giving away THE dog? Sunny? K, then you need to go to a local dog park, have a little goodbye ceremony, and then let him go live with other dogs where he belongs. As for consoling your kids? Candy. Lots and lots of candy.
Flem--don't schedule conference calls for that time. But if you can't help it, give your very best "mommy glare" while snapping your fingers and then pointing to the phone. Fruit snacks always works for me too.
Vanessa-- it's not necessary to look like you're having fun. But the gagging or barfing yourself can make a kid feel bad. Plug your nose and repeat in your head a mantra like "I can't smell anything. I can't hear the wretching. This too shall pass".
PearlGirl---awwwww
Markie--your use of whelmed is proof. Love it!! Puke is number 4 I believe.
Can you tell me my hiney is not that big so I can eat whatever I want? I try to tell myself that but then I think that voice of reason is only coming from my stomach and not my eyes who can really see the truth!
What! Anna is giving her dog away?!! Tell her not to do it Memzy.
Too bad your cutting back on Tune In Tuesdays. I know I don't ask advice usually, but I do really enjoy your handy tips. I totally am liking the mantras one.
You need a break???? What? Does Dear Abby take a break? Does Dr. Laura? No.... they don't. This is devastating.
Oh well.... my question this week....
Dear AskMemzy,
I'm putting together a "family news magazine" for Gty's side of the family. I have received nothing from one of his sisters although the deadline for news and pics passed about 3 weeks ago. Should I a) be patient, she'll get it in on her own sweet time b) keep nagging her until I get it or c) practice some tough love and publish it without anything in there on her and her family to teach her a lesson?
I know what I WANT to do, but what SHOULD I do?
Signed,
USYearly Editor-At-Large
Dear Memzy,
I'm getting some new gym clothes. I've decided on some tank-style tops because you can move your arms and your shirt doens't come up and reveal more than my shoulders. So, having grown up fairly modest, I'm having a hard time making that purchase. I know it's way more "skanky" (is that word allowed?) to show my "midriff" instead of my shoulders, but it still feels weird. What's a modern, modest girl to do?
I'm gonna miss you this summer! I never ask advice (since I'm lousy at taking it), but sure love to read it when written Memzy style! Gonna miss lots of laughs this summer.
My kids all learned their ABC's from TV. Why spend the money on real preschool, when there is a wealth of information at the touch of a button?
Question: My Five year old has developed this disgusting habit of blowing his nose into his bare hand. How do we stop that? I have already tried, "Stop doing that, it's gross."
I'm going to miss this, but I understand. ::wiping the dripping snot away with my sleeve, so much better, right::
Watsonville--oh em gee!! You just had a baby two weeks ago and your hiney is HALF the size of mine. You're in time out.
MM--Keep those mantras flowing
Landee--Devastating? Yeeeeeah riiiiight. And to answer your question.....C. Without a doubt. Gty can blame AskMemzy if he wants to. Somebody teach her a lesson.
Modern and Modest--This one is tricky. I wear the tanks on the regulah at the gym, as I'm sure you've noticed. It became the same issue for me and now if I wear regular shirts I feel like I'm smothered. But it's all to your comfort level. Another option is to layer with a DownEast tank underneath your regular tee if you just can't do the tank thing. It is long and will cover the "skanky-er" part like you say. Ha!
Mary--It's good to know you are upfront about your not being able to take advice. True wisdom. Once a month I'll still be here. Don't you fret!
Kat-Preschool on TV....this is what I'm saying. About your snot boy. OUCH. Make him eat it after blowing. That'll stop him.
Dear Memzy, I know it's late in the day on Tune in Tuesday but I need answers. A decorating question: How can I make my home look beautiful and fresh (now that I have new floors) with my old furniture? I need a fresh pair of eyes and some good advice. Can I schedule a consultation with Memzy and Becca. My eyes are 'stuck' on the old look and it's got to go.
Totally late to this party. Sucks.
I have one correction for you: Puke is -1 plus -2, which equals -3. Even ask Charchar.
Here's my question: After reading nonstop for about four days straight, I feel confused and lost with no direction in my life. Do vampires and werewolves and shadow hunters exist? Can I date Simon, even tho I'm married? How do I get out of this funk?
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