THE CEREAL ANALOGY

This post is dedicated to Jenny, whose heelarious stories of old boyfriends and their wicked awesomeness (for humors sake) has compelled me to share this story with you.

It's a good one I assure you and I have tried to share it with as many people as was socially appropriate ever since it happened to me. I originally had hoped to get this one passed around BYU as a "legend" of sorts among girls but I'm not sure that it ever happened. If you've heard of such a story I can only hope that I was the one who started it. I apologize to any other readers out there who will be expecting "Jenny" humor and wit because I'm just not as good as she is. But hopefully the story will speak for itself

FLASHBACK TO 1994

Memzy is attending the B-Y in good ole Provo. People sorta assume that you date a brazillion people while going to college but I wasn't that way. I had dates here and there but most of my social life was group activities. I never was the "playa" that Jenny was, much to my chagrin. Cuz I woulda been all over that had guys been interested in me. I always tried to tell myself that it was the "intimidation" factor that held guys at arms length but we all know how what that really means. ::wink:: So, there is this slightly dorky guy in my ward that hangs out with me and my roomies on the regulah. We will call him "Special K": one reason being that it is a cereal name and another reason being that his named started with a K. We were really good friends and as we continued hanging out realized that we had a lot more in common than we thought. Yadda, yadda, we started being an "item". Now look at this couple, right? How early 90's is that picture?
We did almost everything together and were very compatible (or so I thought). He was a very outdoorsy guy and I went right along with that picture talking about how much I loved camping and the outdoors. How little time I spent on myself getting ready (that one was prolly a little exaggerated) and why WERE other girls so emotional and stuff? (insert huge laugh of irony here since I am all emotional and stuff, right?) I thought we were just perfect for each other and he did too. We dated pretty seriously for months and even talked about the big M word frequently as this particular semester wound down. I thought this was gonna be "the one". I should probably mention here that Shed and I had dated quite a bit before his mission and were still friends up until this point. We wrote very regularly while he was on his mission (which is where he was-- in Mexico-- during this time). Though I was never, EVER "waiting" for a missionary, I kept in very good contact with Shed. I should also mention that Special K knew of Shed and my "friendship" and seemed no more bothered by it than I was about my hair looking like it did in this picture, at the time. It's hawt, I know.

So, as the semester in coming to a close and everyone is making plans for the summer break, Special K and I are having a talk and it comes up that Shed will be returning home from his mish in the upcoming summer. Suddenly, Special K is very threatened and concerned that this will be happening. I think to myself, "that's weird, he never cared before and why allasudden, right?" I assure him that Shed and I have no committment nor expectations to even DATE when he returns home so chill out. As the final days of our time in Provo are upon us Special K and I were lamenting the time we will be spending apart from each other over the summer. You see, Special K was a river guide on the Colorado River during the summer and was out in the "wilderness" for weeks at a time. Plus, I needed to head straight home to work my two jobs at the Chevron gas station convenience store and preschool day care to earn moolah for my senior year at the B-Y. I know, they were pretty glamorous jobs.

Anyhoo, Special K sits me down and has this "talk" with me about how he "won't be able to stand being seperated from me" during this time and "how will we survive?" and oh, yeah, "I will fight for you between Shed and win". Wha? Clearly, he was madly in love with me and we were going to get married sometime in the near future if we could just make it through the summer. This is what I thought.

Summer comes and this is how it does down:

Memzy: Working two jobs every day and when not occupied by that am Mrs. Saddyface because I miss my "man". Writing him letters all the time. Waiting for him to call every 2-3 weeks when he is "off the river" and at a phone.

Special K: Obviously having the time of his life and completely forgotten about this love he was going to "fight for" because he never calls me and only writes back ONCE the whole summer.

I know what you all are thinking. I must have misinterpreted his affection, right? Me too. So, after months of this going on I decided I am pizzed. So, nevermind about him and I'm going to date other people. I may have mentioned this to him in a letter or two but I cannot confirm nor deny that possibility. Guess who perks up? Special K suddenly starts writing letters and trying to call me (for which I am conveniently unavailable and make my mom tell him I'm not home and can she please take a message because I'm out having the time of my life). In fact he even wants me to meet him in San Diego where his sister lives for a weekend. I let him ask me 11teen times before I finally agree, reluctantly, to drive down there and give him one more chance.

Here's what I'm thinking. Maybe he WAS really busy on the river and maybe he DID really miss me but couldn't get to the phone or write me letters cuz his pencil and paper got soaked in the river water. I know, I know. Soooo pathetic. But whether good or bad, I decide to give it one more go and drive down to San Diego to meet him.

The weekend was fun enough but we were conveniently NEVER alone to talk about anything important and it seemed to be orchestrated by him. I'd had enough and finally tell him, "Listen, I've got to leave to drive back home for work tomorrow and we have one hour so can I puhlease talk to you." And this is where the analogy begins really.

Me: So, what is the deal? I mean, we left school and were practically engaged and now I've barely heard from you all summer? I don't understand.

Special K: Yeah, I s'pose I need to explain something to you.

Me: Ya think? (there was no sarcasm in there I promise ::giggle::)

SK: Ok, so let me explain it to you through an analogy.

Me: ::Staring wide eyed waiting for some eloquent explanation why he basically left me in a lurch:: Go ahead.

SK: Well, you know how you go to the grocery store and you need to buy cereal.

Me: Ah ha, ah ha.

SK: And you have your FAVORITE cereal. The one that you love the best and you know it is your favorite and you have every intention of it being your favorite cereal forever.

Me: right, right.

SK: But then you get to the cereal aisle and you see rows and rows of TONS of other cereals. And you think to yourself, "I think I wanna try THAT cereal".

Me: ::now staring blankly because I can see where this is going and I can't believe a dood would actually SAY this out loud to his girlfriend::

SK: So, you try out other cereals but you know that you will come back to your favorite cereal in the end.

Me: ::speechless::

SK: Memzy....YOU are my favorite cereal.

ps. if you didn't realize it yet, he had already sampled some other cereals over the summer "on the river" and told me.

I'm hoping you all know how I responded to this (I may have been a pushover but I wasn't mentally retarded). In retrospect I wish I would have come up with some really great comebacks like:

"Oh really well your favorite cereal has now been taken off the shelves!"
or
"Hopefully you got enough of that favorite cereal because it's not available for sale anymore!"
or something clever like that. I'm sure you guys can come up with some as well. Try it out, if you will.

But I basically told him he was crazy..........that I wasn't waiting around for him to try out all the other cereals..........and that when we got back up to school (which was in two weeks) we wouldn't be dating, boyfriend/girlfriend, ......NOTHING. He seemed to be fine with this and said he "understood". I'm thinking he thought I was bluffing.

Fast forward one month later and guess who is home from his mission? That's right!

Shed and I got engaged three weeks after he came home from his mission. (I know, how annoyingly cliched is that?) Which is in itself another sappy love story post that I won't bore you with.

And PS. Special K obviously thought I was bluffing because he was freaking out about me and Shed and sorta tried to win me back (again--another post).