Need help with something? Wonder if you should use a comma or not? What about this perm? Should I wear socks with these Teva's? Should I bunch or fold my toilet paper? Just post it here and let me know what kind of advice I should give.
If you are wondering: "Should I really ask this girl I may or may not trust for her advice?" The answer is quite simple. Yes you should. Why? Because I have good advice. How do I know? Because once I thought. "Hmmm, what should I do about _______(This has happened on several occasions.)?" Then I gave myself good advice, and it helped out a little. So if my advice is good enough for me, it is really good for you.
RANDOM ADVICE
Here's some good advice:
#1: Don't use your bare hand to test if something is hot. Try ice cube. If it melts, it's hot. Good advice.
#2: If you have sore throat, quit gulping to see if it is still sore. It probably is. Sore throats don't go away in 10 to 20 seconds.
#3: If you are talking to someone you don't like do not say "We should do something sometime" just to be nice. They may take you up on it, and you'll be stuck hanging out with some person you don't like. And it will be your fault. So don't be stupid. If you don't mean it, don't say it.
#4: Don't use a fly swatter to get the fly that is hovering over the stove top as you are cooking dinner. That is really dumb. Then you might kill the fly but involuntarily it will fall into your pot of food, possibly poisoning your family. Cuz we all know how many germs those things carry.
27 comments:
This is good stuff - can I add that - when testing to see if a pair of scissors works - a piece of paper is a good trial, as opposed to your little sisters bangs!
Dear Ask Memzy,
Is it OK to rely on diet soda as your only source of fluids? I pee A LOT which I hear is a good sign.
Just Wondering in Denver.
Dear Just wondering in Denver,
It is absolutely fine to rely on diet soda as your primary source of fluids. And don't worry about what color your pee is. As long as there is a lot of it, you will be fine. It is dumb to not enjoy diet soda on a regular basis. Cuz then you are missing out on one of the best parts of life and really.....the best part of the day. Lets face it. Diet soda is the beverage of champions.
-signed AskMemzy
Perfect timing, because I'm asking for advice on my blog today.
Dear AskMemzy,
I'm wondering if I even need to worry about all this waking up business?
Signed, DeepSleeper
Here's my added sore throat advice: take 4 Ibuprofen (prescription strength, like the amount they give you when you have a baby, cuz sore throats are just as painful). Sore throats are caused by swelling, so I promise 4 IB will make it go away within minutes. Now, where's my doctorate degree?
Er, I did NOT mean 4 prescription strength IB pills, I meant 4, 200mg pills, which would equal 1 prescription strength pill (800mg). Yikes!
okay - here's a question
Dear Ask Memzy ~
If your neighbor and friend offers you her "like new barely used" king sized duvet and cover, is it okay to accept or is that kind of eeww because it is, in fact, someone elses bedspread - and yes I do sleep in hotels but the bedspreads give me the willies !
jones
Dear ask Memzy,
What do you think about people acting like it is your responsibility to wake them up for a family function? Cuz, there have been times when I am so tired, I don't want to get up, so I pretend like I don't hear that loud obnoxious noise coming from 6 inches from my ear.
And what do you do if only drinking diet coke make your urine turn bloody? And then you need a kidney transplant.
And how old do my kids need to be before I can completely ignore them?
And what about pushing drugs...I mean loads of Ibuprofin?
How do you feel about feline AIDS?
Signed Debby Downer
Dear AskMemzy,
What do you think about people who think it's not their responsibility to wake you up when you are staying at their house, even though they promised you that they would, and then they accuse you of "pretending" to sleep through the alarm clock, even though they didn't PROVIDE you with an alarm clock to wake up to, and then they act like you're totally irresponsible for not magically waking up without the aid of an alarm clock, ALL because they failed to wake you up as promised?
Signed, IWinThatArgumentHandsDown
I have lots of good advice:
Joneses: It is totally fine to take the new/barely used duvet thingy. Just wash it 20teen times and then push it out of your mind.
AJ: Waking up is sooo overrated. I plan on NOT doing a lot of that as soon as my kids are old enough to ignore. Which brings me to Amy: I think your kids are old enough to ignore completely by the time they can use a toilet and hand feed themselves. Then you can just leave out a child size refill food thingy like they do for cats.
I'm no AskMemzy, but why doesn't one learn to use all the features of her cell phone so that one might be able to set her OWN alarm. That way, said person would not need to rely on anyone else to wake them up in the AM when that other person might be busy with her OWN four kids & stuff.
I mean, I don't know. Maybe do that.
Good point Landee
Memzy,
Do you find it a trend these days, for things that aren't some peoples responsibility, to be made some peoples responsibilities. Excuses for faults, entitlements, scapegoats, not setting your phone cuz you wanna sleep, drinking too much diet coke?
Signed, ManAmIDeep
Dear Ask Memzy,
My "room mate" is very dirty and lazy. He doesn’t do any work around the place and just contributes to making it dirtier and smellier. He’s so lazy that he gots a remote control for his remote control. How do I get him to be a little more clean?
Signed,
Should--a-held-out-for-a-vampire-named-Edward.
Amy: I DO find it a trend these days, for things that aren't some peoples responsibility, to be made some peoples responsibilities. For example, when my teeth started rotting out of my head the last couple of years. They had always been cavity free by nature and then allofasudden....BAM 4 root canals. It is obviously my teefs responsibility to stop from getting cavities which lead to really diseased teeth.
Sara: Your "roommate" just needs a little of what I call "positive reinforcement". Like a little sign on the bathroom mirror that says "Thank you for doing the dishes". Even if he didn't do them he'll be like, "wha?" and then it will reverse psychology him into doing the dishes.
Your welcome,
AskMemzy
Dear Ask Memzy,
Is it OK to rationalize and reward yourself with Jaimoca Almond Fudge everytime you accomplish even minor tasks? How much rationalizing is OK and how much is bad? Give me some sort of scale to work with. (This question also applies to shopping).
Dear Mom,
Buying Jamoca Almond Fudge after accomplishing tasts, even minor ones, is NOT a rationalization. It is the only reasonable response to working hard (or even a little) at something. The scale for such things is as follows:
Accomplishing task of any kind=Jamoca Almond Fudge.
Fact.
It's so nice to have a good advice collumnist when you need one. Thanks Memzy. I an now guilt free!
Love the advice column!! Thanks for offering me the fabulous poo loaf!! Too Funny!!
Can this be a regular thing, like every week? And can it be on Tuesdays? Cuz I really wanna call it Tuesdays with Memzy. Or at least have it on my calendar like that.
Freaky, cuz I was thinking "Tune in Tuesdays", cuz you are so in tune.
I can go for "Tune in Tuesdays" but it's a no on "Tuesday's with Memzy:--too close to "Tuesday's with Morrey". OK lighten up people--it was just a smart remark from Parks PALS. Is that the red coming out it me or the yellow--let's say yellow. (refer to Landees blog)
Is that like Tune in Tokyo? Cuz that's Gty's favorite game.
Oh, and def the yellow coming out Aunt Visor. Red would be like "No, it has to be AskMemzy and that's it cuz I'm the boss and so you have to listen to me because I am a power hoarding jerk." Or something similar.
Dear Memzy,
My boyfriend is hot but he's a vampire and wants to drink my blood. He also hisses and gets jealous of my wolf friend but he's hot. What should I do?
Almost a vampire in Oregon.
Dear Almost a Vampire,
That one is easy. Just continue to lead both boys on, all the while tormenting them in different ways, then decide to change yourself into a vampire so's the hot one cannot suck your blood. Then, get preggers with a "mix" and your wolf boy will imprint on the baby which was actually your egg all along.
kyourwelcomebye
You are good.
Dear Ask Memz,
that is a familiar story but it sounds kind of ludicrous when you tell it. I bet if somebody added a lot of fluff around it, she could sell it and make a zillion dollars !
whatcha think ?
I mean really why do I even think for myself when I have you just a blog away. Funny stuff.
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