JUST ASKMEMZY
Need some advice? Should I wear brown or black shoes with this dress? How many hours of shows should I TIVO a week? Which cheese is best on a roast beef sammich? What is that strange sensation on your lip? How many days is acceptable to go without washing your hurr?
Just Ask Memzy
I give good advice.
Good advice #1: Always remember to replace your refillable razor blade on the regulah. Because if you keep thinking you have "just one more shave" left in it and then you go to perform your weekly leg shave you will get lots of cuts. And it will hurt. This is bad. Fact.
Good advice #2: (this one's for you Cristin) If someone is annoying and judgmental about your parenting (or even if you think they are when they may not be) say this mantra out loud in the mirror at least three times a day. "I am the raddest, most awesomest mother that ever lived and so-in-so is not worth my time. I'll show her. I am flanktastic." ps. It's perfectly acceptable to video tape yourself doing this and share with us on the blogging world.
Good advice #3: If you feel a weird sensation on your lips that is sort of familiar, don't wait for it to go away. Go to the store and get yourself some medicine and rub it on cuz that is a cold sore fer rizzles.
Good advice #4: When swimming in a pool in the mountains....even tho it is a wonderful 75 degrees out and the sun isn't really that strong....even tho the pool is heated and comfy...even tho it's later in the day....PUT ON SUN SCREEN. Sunburns happen.
Any other questions you have? Just Ask Memzy.
I give good advice.
34 comments:
How do I loose a camera for good? I was able to find it in my other purse. Now I have to use it still. Any helpful hints would be appreciated.
Do the shaver sharpeners on the wonderful world of info-mercials work because I am convinced they are the latest and greatest.
Dear Memzy,
I have my big day in court tonight and I'm not sure what shirt to wear. Can you help? It's between my "I've Had Brain Surgery What's Your Excuse?" T-Shirt and my "Don't I Feel Silly Now" T-Shirt. What do you think?
Sincerly,
Anxious Annie
AskMemzy,
What fascinating topic should I blog about today?
Flanks.
I really appreciate your advice! I think I'm going to try the looking in the mirror thing and telling myself what a great mom I am. I think my kids will get a kick out it! Thanks so much for the info. on the texturing. Aaron will be excited to try it out!! Your pictures are amazing by the way. I love the ones of the boys on the tracks. The one of you with the trees in the background is amazing too! You are definitely going to be famous -- and not just because of your awesome blog!
If I had to live without one of the following for the rest of my life, which one should I get rid of:
dark chocolate
Diet Coke from Sonic
I have a question. My kid's have a Hampster and it's eye is falling out. I know it's gross. Pictures do no justice as to how it really looks. He eats, sleeps, and walks crazy now. My quesion is should we... you know "Do something" with him or just let him live out the rest of his small life looking really creepy?
Dear AskMemzy,
My husband spends way too much money! We are knee deep in debt, and I’m working two jobs, but every chance he gets, it’s off to the mall for more shoes! I think he’s a spendaholic, but he doesn’t see a problem. Help!
-Wits End in Nampa
Memzy seems to be falling behind. I didn't want to take over her job, so I wrote some advice and you gize can figure out which advice goes to which request.
If it didn't really work, it wouldn't be on tv right?
Maybe you could have a garage sale. Give him the profits, tell him it is his allowance for the year, then go get a third job because that probably won't work.
Find a three year old and let them play with it for about 15 minutes, it will be gone for good.
Wear a tight thin shirt w/ a turtleneck sweater over it. If they lean more towards Wopner, loose the turtleneck. If they lean more towards Judy, keep it on.
Are you willing to give up happy hour?
Rat poison
"Toothpaste"
I think the "Find a three year old" advise was meant for Cristin, but it also goes with the creepy hamster eye one.
What can I do to get my kids to eat their vegetables, flush the toilet and clean up after themselves?
Seriously.
Dear askmemzy,
First of all I just want to say that I think you are amazing and you've really made a difrence I'm my life. Thank you! My question for you today is "What do you do when your kids are driving you insane in the membrane"? When the only thing I hear is "I want .... (fill in the blank) or constant screaming/ crying and they're constantly getting into stuff and/ or are very very needy. Help!
~loco mama of 2 in bako
I just called Memzy to see where the ayche she was (cuz we're all DYING for advice here!) and she said she made the mistake of making dentist appointments on Tune in Tuesday. She shan't make that mistake again.
She said she'll be back soon and "Amy, step off." close quote.
Memzy your the greatest and I'm totally going to try out your idea!
Dear Memzy,
How do I motivate myself to get up early to exercise when even a bad picture of my butt can't get me out of bed???
sincerely,
Big Butt Cristin
Landee, are you your brothers keeper? (I said that once to my mom, not really knowing the meaning of it) Why do you think I made it so secretive? And you guessed wrong for the 3 yr old.
Dear Memzy,
What do you do when you have so many questions, and then you read so many other people's questions, that just add more questions to your mind, and then no one is there to answer them when it is their day to answer them, and they specifically asked people to ask them, and still didn't answer any of them, then they sent their cuz over to flank me?
Oops, I meant that was for "Case" not Cristin.
And no, I'm not my brother's keeper but I do have my frousin's celly numbah so I called it. I'm interested to see how Memzy answers your question.
Good advice #5: Don't post a Tune in Tuesdays and then go off and do "real life" for a few hours. It doesn't keep your bloggers happy. Fact.
Where to begin?
Case: You don't necessarily have to "lose" the camera. You could accidentally "drop" it (from, say, the roof of your house) thereby rendering it completely useless.
Urmston Mom: Shaver sharpeners work JUST AS GOOD as the Pancake Puffs machine. And when I say "good" I mean....really, really, not good at all.
Abut: Definitely go with the brain surgery tee. Or let me know a few days ahead next time and I can lend you my "Do you want my REAL name or my STAGE name?" t-shirt.
Esplin: I think you should absolutely blog about your grocery list. That is good entertainment.
Landee: That is such a cute hypothetical question because it would NEVER happen. So i can't answer that because there is no such thing.
Urmston Family: Hamsters with eyes falling out should first and foremost be a blog post pronto-like. Secondly, after you post about it, you should take it out back and "lose" it like Case lost her camera up there.
Sara: Call the Suze Orman show and have here tell your husband how it is. Even if it doesn't help you can get some great ideas for jackets.
Emily: Don't get your kids to eat vegetables. Those are highly overrated. As far as the toilet is concerned, just never clean it yourself until it is unpossible for them to use the facility and breathe at the same time. (note: make sure this isn't in one of the guest areas where you visiting teachers might show up--ther is no laundry basket big enough to "sweep" that smell into).
Loco mom of 2 in bako: This advice is easy. Just make sure your ipod is charged up. Plug in those earphones and turn up the volume to maximum. Lock the doors and make sure there are no sharp objects nearby. Throw out some fishy crackers and juice boxes onto the floor. Turn on the TV to The Backyardigans (preferrably the Whodunit episode) and take one of Jenny's "magic pills".
Crisin: Don't worry about how big your butt is. Big butts are the "in" thing now didn't you know? So push that snooze button and tear up those pictures. Oh, and go eat an hot fudge sundae. You can always exercise tomorrow.
Amy: I thought of a neat saying that I totally just made up right now. Patience is a vurtuoso. Or, I mean, a virtual time save. Wait. That's not how my brain thought it. But it was GOOD. Cousin flanking is also the latest craze so embrace THAT.
Are you sure you don't want Jenny to blog about toothpaste? I guess there is a reason it is Ask Memzy, not ask Memzy, then have her husband's cousin answer it all.
I was not blessed with patience, pretty sure anyone who knows me would flank me up on that one.
Well worth the Wait(e). I'm going to take several of those nuggets of wisdom & I wasn't even asking the question.
Another quick one:
Dear AskMemzy,
Am I ever going to understand even one single episode of Heroes? Are there cliff notes I could get? Maybe some kind of a flowchart?
Every time I get done watching that show, I feel like I only have a degree from the School of Hard Knocks or something.
Signed,
NeedingAHeroInDenver
Amy: I give the advice. And it's good. But it is the readers choice to follow that advice or not.
Landee: This is the beauty of Heroes. It is not meant for us to understand. That is what keeps us coming back for more. However, I DO have a Venn Diagram from a little while ago that I produced trying to get better clarity on the subject. I could email it to you if you'd like. But you need a degree in Elementary Education to understand it. ::wink::
Hmmmm.... does a Venn Diagram teach you how to color inside the lines, make dittos and laminate stuff?
But yeah, email that ASAP.
Don't forget it also teaches you how to make a calendar following a farm theme.
LOLLERZZZ!
Did you know that some people actually use their blogs to post/comment on serious, political, social, economic, religious and medical issues ? What the heck are they thinking ? We have a 23+ comment thread going here about absolutely NOTHING !! And it's hysterical !! You ladies make my day (and it wasn't a very good one - so thanks)please keep up the work. And don't you dare start talking about anything relatively serious !!
Tuesdays are now my new favorite day of the week. That was a blast. Thanks for the advice on my recent post. Very good.
Signed,
Got all the answers I need here
Okay you are seriously killing me. ps Jill's hamster is pretty nasty!!! She could use some good advice or a vet. I told her she HAS to post a pic to. My question is Where the heck were you today?
serious, political, social, economic, religious and medical issues
^^ all vile & nasty words
I hate to interfere again, I promise it won't happen anymore, after this. The hamster NEEDS rat poison. Or send it over to Landee's and let it loose with the mouse traps. Either way, put it out of it's misery. But first, take lots of pictures. They could be used to study the phenomenon, and maybe even save another hamster, or just gross us all out.
I totally agree wtih "Keeping up with the Jonesess said, this is terrific stuff, and made my rather blah day better! so memezy here is my question I have a 3 and a half year old that frequently shows disrespect to me, he may hit me if I am spanking him and when he is told to do something like leave the park or other chores like pick up your toys he will yell out "YOUR MEAN" my current respose it you bet I am and I am only going to get meaner-- so here is the problem day after day for the past two weeks this has not stoppped help is this a phase or does my kid really not have any respect for authority??? thanks a mom at her wits end with a controling toddler!
Srsly Amy, that eye is creeping me out.
I changed it to the only good looking one I had.
Oh, those were the days.....
I think you have found your new calling in life. This stuff is fabulous! And I mean that!
If I believe hard enough in a Pantry Fairy will she actually come and clean and organize my pantry, because frankly I'm tired of doing it myself.
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