Listen, I realized there are other sites out there that give advice. Being your own person to peruse the internet, you have the freedom to choose just which site you go to for that advice. Take for example this site. NO WHERE on that site is there a "expert from a cool, smart, oldish yet youngish mom and homemaker" category. Sure, you can find out how they fly helicopters straight into hurricanes,...........or ask Wendell everything you need to know about science. But lets be realistic people. You don't care about that stuff. Which is why you come here. And THIS stuff is good:
Good Advice #1: At some point in life you have to outgrow things. For example, Saying "Like" All the Time. It's like, really annoying, when people say it, like, all the time. But then like, you're talking to this person who is like doing it, and you're like suppressing the urge to like totally laugh in their face. Or Pinky Swearing. For some reason your pinky is a much more trustworthy part of your body? Cuz no one ever breaks a pinky swear. EVER. Or how about Horseplay? Even tho it's tempting (cuz basically anything they tell you not to do by a pool is inherently funny). We just have to get to the point in our adult life where we realize---I'm past that now. The like-pinky-swearing-horseplay is in my past. Let's leave it there.
Good Advice #2: It's always good to exercise your ability to be serious in situations that call for it. I find this harder to do lately now that my hubby is sitting with me in church. You gize probably know what a "cut-up" that dood is. And, as of late, has been "on his game" so to speak in the humor department. A good example of my need to exercise this comes every Sunday during sacrament. Our kids will say something or Shed will remember a funny/silly story and decide at that very moment to tell it to me. Now, sacrament meeting isn't the best place to get the giggles. Just ask JennyESP about that sometime. It can get embarrassing. So, I've decided,.........(and by so doing have advised YOU to do the same)......to practice my "serious face". I thought I could do this during the week in normal, everyday situations. Like, try to call someone "foxy" with a straight face. Or explain to your visiting teacher that you'll have to call her back because your children are currently in fisticuffs while their spittle is flying and you'll have to solve the kerfuffle first before you can schedule her to come for a visit..........again without laughing. It's good practice. By next Sunday, I'll be ready for anything Shed can throw at me. Now you try it. I'm here for you my peeps. What have you to ask me today?
13 comments:
Dear Memzy, My question is very serious. "How can I fake-tan my legs for the summer capri's". Tan chubby always looks better than white chubby--but how can I accomplish this without the orange streaked look. Do I use spray on, rub on, what brand? Hurry--the warm weather is coming and the 8" of leg that I show needs some help.
Ask Memzy,
Do I say "like" too much? Just wondering. I never really thought about it.
^^I was wondering the same thing about myself. I was thinking in my head while reading Memz's advice: "Is she talking about me?"
Anyways, here's my question:
I have a certain running partner who I may or may not be married to (ahem) and he gets very competitive while we are running together. Actually, I get even more competitive. What is the proper running etiquette when it comes to running with somebody. I could NEVER let him finish first, but if I don't let him finish first it is not pretty. I actually almost slept on the couch because of it last night.
Dear Ask Memzy,
What about "you know?" You know, like, should I, be over that by now too? Cuz, like, I say you know, pretty much every other phrase at least. But I only say it cuz I really wanna know if you know, you know? If you don't believe me, listen to my podcasts. A "you know" train wreck.
KnowingYouKnow in Denver.
Mom--No doubt those 8 inches are important. I would recommend one of those spray booths. Just wear some old capri's that you don't want anymore and then you will only have to pay for that section that the spray hits. It's genius.
MM--No it's not you. It's a good test tho right?
Emily--Nope not talking about you either. Aaaaah. The competitive runner's syndrome. Isn't it glorious? It's usually difficult to beat a dood. So if you happen to be able to do it I say ride that train as long as possible (sorry RobNotBob). Everybody sing it with me (destiny's child style) "All the women....who independent...throw your hands up at me-ee." < --actual running song I use btw. He'll get over it.
Knowing you Know in Denver-- the "like's" were gone with the 20's but the "you know's" can land us well into our 40s. Rest easy my dear podcaster.
I not only say like all the time, I type it too, you know what I'm sayin'? Like I care. As if.
Anyway, Dear askMemzy,
My 3 year old is obsessed with me. He must think I am the coolest person on the planet cuz he wants to hang out with me very waking moment of the day. The problem is, I don't wanna jump on the tramp for two hours, and then play lego star wars on the Wii, and then make potions in the bathroom sink, and then share a baggie of fruit snacks. How do I shake this tagalong and get a lil "me" time?
Signed,
TheCoolestPersononthePlanet
Dear AskMemzy,
Since I am still technically in my 20's (I know it is hard to believe cuz I am so mature), can I like say like still?
Signed,
Youthful in Idaho
Dear Memzy,
Can I ask two questions?
What about 'all.' He was all, and then I was all and they were like all... I have a friend who says it so much I can hardly understand what she's saying (and I'm not exaggerating.) That one expired long before 'like,' didn't it? How can I handle it? I'm not the kind of person to even say anything. Perhaps something I can be thinking about instead will help.
Second, I found out today that my dentist retired. He was young, quite handsome actually, and very good. So good that I dozed off during a filling. Back and neck problems, I hear. What the hraka do I do now?
Standsmom
Dear CoolestPersonOnThePlanet-- Tricky. Tricky. Cuz I DO, in fact, know how cool you are. My suggestion is to stop being so cool. You should totally ignore your kids instead of playing games with them or organizing a round of Mafia. I've seen you do it. Just be boring. That should work.
Youthful in Idaho--Fer super duh. You get to say it for only a short time still so take advantage.
StandsMom-- First of all, WELCOME. I love having new blood around. To answer your questions: Firstly, "all" is even worse than "like". I would pen an anonymous letter in the form of glitter and puff painted hearts that tells her so. Second, that loss of dentist puts you in some serious hraka. I would suggest sending un-stalker-like emails/texts telling him how much you miss him and how hawt he is and if you need to add some tears irl. Tears always works with doctors.
Dear Memzy,
Like, is it me, that you were like referring to? Like, ouch :D
So, how do you get your kids on-board with daylight savings? Apparently 11 hours of sleep isn't enough at our house and I'm totally against the tin-foil window black out method. So which is worse, foiled over windows or grumpy kids?
Wow, this is like the most thought provoking Ask Memzy to date. I am dying to know all the answers to the questions asked. I am like so excited that I get to like use like for another year. This is going to be the best year ever.
I have a question. What if you have a very personal "girls business" question to ask, but your husband is reading over your shoulder, and you don't want him to think about your "lady business" right now?
Kristi--grumpy kids is definitely worse but I agree, don't give in to the tin foiled windows. Instead maybe just drug yourself with chocolate for a few days until they "adjust".
Katie--lady bizness is always tricky. I'm only a text away. This is a PG site afterall.
I have been blog surfing recently since we finally entered the age of technology and got a computer that can keep up with the real world. I must say that I have thoroughly enjoyed your site. You are so witty!
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