MMkay I guess it's time.

I don't' know why I keep putting this off. Every time I tell myself I'm gonna do this blog post I try to and then............nah. I think it might be my PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) that I'm having. I'm basically a war veteran and stuff.

K, so the deal is that I've had back issues for 15+ years. It's partly how my spine is built, partly my activities and a whole lot of bad luck. Especially since I started birthing babies, my back would "go out" about once a year. I'd be in bed for a week and unable to function. Over the years I've done it all....physical therapy, chiropractic, stretches, medications, traction, steroids, this list is long. It's just something I deal with. No biggie. There are worse problems to have right?

Up until 9 months ago, that is, when I started having a pinched nerve out of nowhere. It slowly came on and grew more pinched. Again, I did all of the above things, but it only got worse. About 3 months ago I started getting much more proactive about getting it fixed since it was hurting ALL. THE. TIME. I knew it was related to my back. And in the process of more tests I found that I had two herniated discs in my low back. One was sorta bad and one was reeeally bad. So those are what were expanded to pinch off the nerve that goes down my leg, like so:
My options were slim, says Mr. Neurologist. I could live with the pain and be on drugs or I could have a discectomy surgery to trim off those discs and set my pain FREE!! At first I was really upset about my options. I wanted to do anything to avoid surgery. But at the same time this had been going on for 9 months and in the last 6 weeks had become crippling. And we all know that I'd only end up here:
....if I were to stay on pain meds. Mr Jeff VanVonderen knows that. ::super ginorm sigh:: So, it was decided to go ahead with surgery and I should stop any and all physical therapy, etc cuz it was only making it worse.

I thought it would be a month until they could do the surgery but then I got a phone call from the surgeon (down in LA) that he had a cancellation and could I come the next week. I was so essited!! I'd done all my research and could not WAIT to be pain free. My doc said it was laproscopic and I could even go home the same day if I wanted to.

See how happy I was?
So I go into the surgery at a pain level of 6, and I wake up at a pain level of TEN, TEN, TEN, what the aych happened....10!!!!!!!! The Dr. UnMcDreamy couldn't figure it out, explained he'd given my nerve a huge space to be free, surgery went great, here are some pain meds and lets wait it out a bit. Morphine every 2 hours. Bringing the pain down from 10 to 9.5. 12 hours goes by. Dr. UNM comes to me again (this is the next day btw) saying maybe we can try giving you steroids to bring down inflammation cuz your nerve is "freaking out" and stuff. 12 more hours goes by. This is how happy I am feeling now:
I wouldn't recommend clicking to enlarge that pic. Don't blame me if you get some throw up come up in your mouth a little. You've been warned. Dr decides we'd better figure this out. Order x-rays, MRI, and new pain meds. Something called "dilaudid" every two hours. It brings me from a 10 down to a 7 for about an hour. It's an improvement, right?

PS. "dilaudid" is what killed this guy:
RIP MJ. R. I. P.

12 more hours goes by. Dr NONMcDreamyInTheI'mSeriousHe'sNotCuteSortOfWay comes in the morning to tell me that, guess what?, there IS something pinching my nerve still. Absofreakinlutely, and congratufreakinlations that you figured that out doc. You can feel that my patience was wearing thin at this time and I know you won't hold that against me either. He books an OR and has to take me in for surgery #2, open me up all the way, and find out what's going on.

I came out of surgery #2 saying things like, "He did it! He did it! Hallelujah! Give me some ice chips!" and things of that nature. It's a shame those things can't be recorded really, I'm sure I'd be a hit on YouTube instantly. Pain free is what I'm telling you. I was ecstatic. The DrNotHot came back to see me and explains what happened. My herniated disc had actually been there so long that it had calcified. So when he went in through his tiny hole he thought it was my bone. Oh and also I have a malformed sacrum in case you were wondering. So my nerve had been being pinched after the first surgery by bone instead of by softer disc material, hence my increase in pain. Splendid. And no one is surprised by this either. I'm weird. The End.

I stayed one more night in the hospital and they released me the next day. I went off all pain medications after the first surgery cold turkey, like an idiot, without thinking. My 1 day stay in the hospital had turned into 4 days and I couldn't get home to my kids fast enough. Little did I know (and no doc or nurse told me) that for the next 48 hours I would be having withdrawls and detoxing from those drugs they'd been giving me every two hours. That was.............um...........torture. I thought I was losing my mind until I talked to my brother and he explained that the skin crawling and panic attacks were prolly due to my detox and not just cuz I'd be put up in a mental institution any time soon. Imagine my relief right? It's like I know what those celebrities go through on Dr. Drew.

So, now I am doing a lot of this these days:
I mean, without the desert or the shoes. And not the hat either. And most of the time jammies or yoga pants but you get the idea. Luckily, I have some pretty amazing friends, and family that have helped out with food, treats, flowers, cards, kids, driving, lifting shopping bags, homemade t-shirts, gift packages with magazines and dark chocolate, etc.

That being said I can drive myself, shower myself, walk anywhere I need to, etc. I just have less energy to do it. Oh and I can't lift, bend or twist or gym for 2 months. ::sigh:: But I have some cool old people grabber things that help me pick up stuff. And I have three boy slaves to pitch it more around here. And I have an awes hubby who is doing it all and THEN some.

So there we go. Aren't you glad you came over here today?

::making phew sign on forehead::